Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Wedding humor

Something to giggle about  - self explanatory.


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Ten Commandments of Marriage


Commandment 1 - Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2 - If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3 - Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4 - Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5 - When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6 - Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7 - Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.

Commandment 8 - Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9 - Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.

Commandment 10 - Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Offer


During a wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."




Image Credits: The New York Times.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Yesterday's wedding


It was one of those remarkable weddings we've attended among our community, here in this land.

The wedding was conducted inside the magnificent Sacred Heart Catholic Church - the architecture which I admired, and embarked on a tour by myself, just to appreciate art work and those stained glass windows. When I was young, I was told that whenever I entered a new church in my life, I could wish for 3 things and they would be granted - something I have noticed to be true.  Have you tried it - give it a try.

There were nearly 600 guests from all over, and we met several families whom we had not seen for a very long time and few from Atlanta as well.

Weddings always make me feel so good - especially those wedding songs. My positive criticism: the only downside of yesterday was that, the wedding songs sung by the choir did not match up to the grand ceremony that was laid out.

People were in a jovial mood and the celebrations that followed the ceremony was wonderful as well. The hosts took extreme care in arranging and organizing the entire event - we could tell. The cocktail hour followed by the dinner was held inside the huge bell auditorium. The MC and DJ entertained the crowd, and it was quite emotional to watch the two dances - Mother and son, and the Father and daughter.

We got back home past midnight.

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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Description


Couple of days ago, a husband and wife were celebrating their 20th Wedding Anniversary. The wife wanted to check on her husband how he felt about her and asked him to describe her.

So the husband started slowly, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”

She asked, “What does that mean?”

The husband said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Heavenly,” and hoped she’d just let it drop with a smile.

She beamed and said, “Go on. That’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?”

So cleverly the husband quipped, “I’m Just Kidding!”

His left eye is still swollen today, but doc said it will get better.

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Thursday, February 3, 2011

Beatitudes for Home


BLESSED are the husband and wife who continue to be affectionate and considerate, loving after the wedding bells have ceased ringing.

BLESSED are the husband and wife who are as polite and courteous to one another as they are to their friends.

BLESSED are they who have a sense of humor, for this attribute will be a handy shock absorber.

BLESSED are they who love their mates more than any other person in the world and who joyfully fulfill their marriage vows of lifetime of fidelity and mutual helpfulness to one another.

BLESSED are they who attain parenthood, for children are a heritage of the Lord.

BLESSED are they who remember to thank God for their food before they partake of it, and who set apart some time each day for the reading of the Bible and for prayer.

BLESSED are those mates who never speak loudly to one another and who make their home a place where “seldom is heard a discouraging word”.

BLESSED are the husband and wife who faithfully attend the worship service of the church and who work together in the church for the advancement of Christ’s Kingdom.

BLESSED are the husband and wife who can work out problems of adjustments without interference from relatives.

BLESSED is the couple who has a complete understanding about financial matters and who has worked out a perfect partnership with all money under the control of both.

BLESSED are the husband and wife who humbly dedicate their lives and their home to Christ and who practice the teachings of Christ in the home by being unselfish, loyal, and loving.

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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Fried Eggs


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen and started, "Careful. Careful! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too Many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful. Careful! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

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Saturday, January 8, 2011

Do What?

When Mary and Jim were dating, Mary became concerned over the lavish amount of money Jim was spending on her. After an expensive dinner date, she asked her mother, "What can I do to stop Jim from spending so much money on me?"

Her mother replied, "Marry him."

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Friday, April 23, 2010

Gift

A man was talking to his friend about what to do for his 50th wedding anniversary. The friend asked, "What did you do for your 25th?"

He said, "I took my wife to Hawaii."

The friend then asked, "What are you thinking about for your 50th?"

He said, "Well I was thinking of bringing her back."

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Reason for tears

A man and woman were recently celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

While cutting the cake, the wife was moved after seeing her husband’s eyes fill with tears.

The wife took his arm, and looked at him affectionately.

“I never knew you were so sentimental.” she whispered.

“No . . . No . . .” he said, choking back his tears, “That’s not it at all. Remember when your father found us in the barn and told me to either marry you or spend the next 50 years in jail?”

“Yes,” the wife replied. “I remember it like yesterday.”

“Well,” said the husband, “Today I would have be a free man.”

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The talking frog


A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." She did and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and women will flock to him."

The woman replied, " That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman, and he will only have eyes for me." So, WOOOSH - she became the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, " That's okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, WOOOSH - she became the richest woman in the world!

The frog asked her what she would like for her third wish. She said, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

10 Most Expensive Weddings

Top 10 Most Expensive Weddings in the World.

Wedding ceremony is usually accompanied by a grand feast, a number of guests, a musical pageant and a spectacular arrangement. For the millionaires and billionaires, it is a lavish and luxurious pageantry with a lot of extravagance and flamboyance. Here is a brief glimpse of the world’s ten most expensive weddings.    

1. Most Expensive Wedding in History sheer elegance and extravagance of the wedding of Vanisha Mittal, steel tycoon Lakshmi Mittal’s daughter has made it the grandest of wedding extravaganzas in the Forbes list of “Billionaire Weddings”. 1000 high profiled guests from across the globe were entertained at a five-star Paris hotel during the five-day long celebration at the most famous settings of France. A performance by Kylie Minogue pop singer was the attraction of this $60 million event.  

2. Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum - The glittering wedding ceremony of Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum the ruler of Dubai and Princess Salama in 1981 at a whopping cost of $ 44.5 million earned a place in the Forbes list of “Billionaire Weddings”. A sprawling stadium was built to entertain 20,000 invitees for the seven-day long celebration amidst luxuries.  

3. Vikram Chatwal , son of a New York hotel magnet Sant Singh Chatwal tied his knot with Priya Sachdev, a model-cum-actress amidst pomp and grandeur that made it the most luxurious wedding of India. The ceremony was graced with the presence of high profile personalities including Bill Clinton, Manmohon Singh and Naomi Campbell. Everything from setting to guests, ambience to entertainment in the Chatwal wedding was an awesome extravagance.    

4. Donald Trump - The lavish wedding of Donald Trump and Melania Krauss at Palm Beach, Florida was in news round the year of 2005 for its sheer opulence and flamboyance. Adding charms to this extravaganza was the graceful presence of Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Shaquille O’Neal and Rudolph Giuliani. The glaring features of the wedding included 45 chefs, 10,000 flowers and a 200-1b marnier cake. Tony Bennett and Billy Joel gave live performances to entertain the guests.    

5. Miss Yugoslavia Aleksandra Kokotovic The pompous and ostentatious wedding of Andrei Melnichenko Russian billionaire and Miss Yugoslavia Aleksandra Kokotovich, Serbian model at Cote D’Azur, France in 2005 added a chapter to the history of world famous wedding ceremonies. Performances by Christina Aguilera and Whitney Houston were the most appealing attribute of the lavish ceremony.

6. Delphine Arnault  - The marvelous and magnificent wedding of Delphine, daughter of Bernard Arnault LVMH boss ‘pope of fashion’ in France was esteemed by Harper’s Bazaar magazine as the wedding of the year, 2005. The wedding venue was decorated with 5,000 white roses and the bride was adorned in a sumptuous gown designed by John Galliano. Invitees at the Arnault party included Karl Lagerfeld and Elizabeth Hurley.        

7. Liza Minelli  - The fabulous and flamboyant wedding of Liza Minelli and David Gest at Manhattan’s Collegiate Church in 2002 was the over-the-top event that is to be memorized by its guests. Among 850 wedding guests, Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson were the mighty presence in the wedding party. Natalie Cole made all swing by singing “Unforgettable”. Cutting a grand 6-foot, 12-tier cake kicked off the celebration. About 500 staffs were hired to serve the guests. The extravagance of the wedding included $700,000 for flowers and $40, 000 for wedding cake.      

8. Paul McCartney - The $3 million wedding ceremony of Paul McCartney and Heather Mills in 2001 was accompanied by a grand feast, a marvelous pageant and a dazzling firework. An Indian themed reception and a performance by dancers clad in traditional India dress were held in honor to the couple. They passed their first night on a $20 million yacht for $ 19,000.  

9. Elizabeth Hurley & Arun Nayar  There was no end to the glamour and grandeur in the wedding ceremony of Arun Nayar and Elizabeth Hurley in 2007. The festivity lasted for eight days across two continents – Europe and Asia. The ceremony made its way from the Sudeley Castle in Gloucestershire, Britain to Umaid Bhawan Palace in Jodhpur, India. The couple’s accommodation at the palace suite cost $10,000 a night.

10. Wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes  at Italy’s 15th-century Odescalchi Castle in 2006 was a stunning spectacle with a lot of flamboyance. Giorgio Armanai had designed sumptuous apparels for the entire bridal party. A musical performance by Andrea Boccelli enlivened the party in reception of the couple. This $2 million extravaganza deserves to be enlisted by Forbes as one of the grand and gigantic weddings.

Credits: newluxuryitems

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Marriage poem

Here is a famous marriage poem by Wendell Berry, called 'the country of marriage'.

--
The Country of Marriage


I.

I dream of you walking at night along the streams
of the country of my birth, warm blooms and the nightsongs
of birds opening around you as you walk.
You are holding in your body the dark seed of my sleep.

II.

This comes after silence. Was it something I said
that bound me to you, some mere promise
or, worse, the fear of loneliness and death?
A man lost in the woods in the dark, I stood
still and said nothing. And then there rose in me,
like the earth's empowering brew rising
in root and branch, the words of a dream of you
I did not know I had dreamed. I was a wanderer
who feels the solace of his native land
under his feet again and moving in his blood.
I went on, blind and faithful. Where I stepped
my track was there to steady me. It was no abyss
that lay before me, but only the level ground.

III.

Sometimes our life reminds me
of a forest in which there is a graceful clearing
and in that opening a house,
an orchard and garden,
comfortable shades, and flowers
red and yellow in the sun, a pattern
made in the light for the light to return to.
The forest is mostly dark, its ways
to be made anew day after day, the dark
richer than the light and more blessed,
provided we stay brave
enough to keep on going in.

IV.

How many times have I come to you out of my head
with joy, if ever a man was,
for to approach you I have given up the light
and all directions. I come to you
lost, wholly trusting as a man who goes
into the forest unarmed. It is as though I descend
slowly earthward out of the air. I rest in peace
in you, when I arrive at last.

V.

Our bond is no little economy based on the exchange
of my love and work for yours, so much for so much
of an expendable fund. We don't know what its limits are--
that puts us in the dark. We are more together
than we know, how else could we keep on discovering
we are more together than we thought?
You are the known way leading always to the unknown,
and you are the known place to which the unknown is always
leading me back. More blessed in you than I know,
I possess nothing worthy to give you, nothing
not belittled by my saying that I possess it.
Even an hour of love is a moral predicament, a blessing
a man may be hard up to be worthy of. He can only
accept it, as a plant accepts from all the bounty of the light
enough to live, and then accepts the dark,
passing unencumbered back to the earth, as I
have fallen tine and again from the great strength
of my desire, helpless, into your arms.

VI.

What I am learning to give you is my death
to set you free of me, and me from myself
into the dark and the new light. Like the water
of a deep stream, love is always too much. We
did not make it. Though we drink till we burst
we cannot have it all, or want it all.
In its abundance it survives our thirst.
In the evening we come down to the shore
to drink our fill, and sleep, while it
flows through the regions of the dark.
It does not hold us, except we keep returning
to its rich waters thirsty. We enter,
willing to die, into the commonwealth of its joy.

VII.

I give you what is unbounded, passing from dark to dark,
containing darkness: a night of rain, an early morning.
I give you the life I have let live for the love of you:
a clump of orange-blooming weeds beside the road,
the young orchard waiting in the snow, our own life
that we have planted in the ground, as I
have planted mine in you. I give you my love for all
beautiful and honest women that you gather to yourself
again and again, and satisfy--and this poem,
no more mine than any man's who has loved a woman.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Counseling on marriage

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, “Listen to me!! This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”

The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”

Friday, November 6, 2009

Marriage myths


There are numerous myths about marriage that circulate among young adults.  You may happen to hear few of them from your peers and colleagues.  Ironically, most of these myths are being spread by unmarried individuals. If you really want to know the truth, you should clarify it with a married person.  Your best bet would be to approach your parent(s). However, never believe with what you heard on the streets or what you watched in movies or read negative about marriage in books.  Life is lot different from what we see 'on screen ' and what we read in books.

Personally, I believe that being married is one of the greatest experience a person can have.  Everyone of you should look forward to that experience with a positive attitude.  Here are some marriage myths I came across for you to read at your leisure. It was researched by one professor at Rutgers Univ, NJ.


Marriage Myth 1: Marriage benefits men much more than women.
Fact: Contrary to earlier and widely publicized reports, recent research finds men and women to benefit about equally from marriage, although in different ways. Both men and women live longer, happier, healthier and wealthier lives when they are married. Husbands typically gain greater health benefits, while wives gain greater financial advantages.


Marriage Myth 2: Having children typically brings a married couple closer together and increases marital happiness.
Fact: Many studies have shown that the arrival of the first baby commonly has the effect of pushing the mother and father farther apart, and bringing stress to the marriage. However, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.


Marriage Myth 3: The keys to long-term marital success are good luck and romantic love.
Fact: Rather than luck and love, the most common reasons couples give for their long-term marital success are commitment and companionship. They define their marriage as a creation that has taken hard work, dedication and commitment (to each other and to the institution of marriage). The happiest couples are friends who share lives and are compatible in interests and values.


Marriage Myth 4: The more educated a woman becomes, the lower are her chances of getting married.
Fact: A recent study based on marriage rates in the mid-1990s concluded that today's women college graduates are more likely to marry than their non-college peers, despite their older age at first marriage. This is a change from the past, when women with more education were less likely to marry.


Marriage Myth 5: Couples who live together before marriage, and are thus able to test how well suited they are for each other, have more satisfying and longer-lasting marriages than couples who do not.
Fact: Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have less satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually breaking up. One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of commitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. But in addition, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, suggest "there may be less motivation for cohabiting partners to develop their conflict resolution and support skills." (One important exception: Cohabiting couples who are already planning to marry each other in the near future have just as good a chance at staying together as couples who don't live together before marriage).


Marriage Myth 6: People can't be expected to stay in a marriage for a lifetime as they did in the past because we live so much longer today.
Fact: Unless our comparison goes back a hundred years, there is no basis for this belief. The enormous increase in longevity is due mainly to a steep reduction in infant mortality. And while adults today can expect to live a little longer than their grandparents, they also marry at a later age. The life span of a typical, divorce-free marriage, therefore, has not changed much in the past 50 years. Also, many couples call it quits long before they get to a significant anniversary: Half of all divorces take place by the seventh year of a marriage.


Marriage Myth 7: Marrying puts a woman at greater risk of domestic violence than if she remains single.
Fact: Contrary to the proposition that for men "a marriage license is a hitting license," a large body of research shows that being unmarried — and especially living with a man outside of marriage — is associated with a considerably higher risk of domestic violence for women. One reason for this finding is that married women may significantly underreport domestic violence. Further, women are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce a man who is violent. Yet it is probably also the case that married men are less likely to commit domestic violence because they are more invested in their wives' well-being, and more integrated into the extended family and community. These social forces seem to help check men's violent behavior.


Marriage Myth 8: Married people have less satisfying sex lives, and less sex, than single people.
Fact: According to a large-scale national study, married people have both more and better sex than do their unmarried counterparts. Not only do they have sex more often but they enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally.


Marriage Myth 9: Cohabitation is just like marriage, but without "the piece of paper."
Fact: Cohabitation typically does not bring the benefits — in physical health, wealth and emotional wellbeing — that marriage does. In terms of these benefits, cohabitants in the United States more closely resemble singles than married couples. This is due, in part, to the fact that cohabitants tend not to be as committed as married couples, and they are more oriented toward their own personal autonomy and less to the well-being of their partner.


Marriage Myth 10: Because of the high divorce rate, which weeds out the unhappy marriages, people who stay married have happier marriages than people did in the past when everyone stuck it out, no matter how bad the marriage.
Fact: According to what people have reported in several large national surveys, the general level of happiness in marriages has not increased and probably has declined slightly. Some studies have found in recent marriages, compared to those of 20 or 30 years ago, significantly more work-related stress, more marital conflict and less marital interaction.


Credits: David Popenoe, the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, New Brunswick, N.J.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

+ ve side of marriage

These days, I hear numerous young adults who are educated and successful in their career choosing to stay single.  Below is an article that I came across that lists the positive side of marriage.  In a nutshell, the author lists four benefits such as (1) companionship, (2) social life, (3) longer life & (4) less stressful child-rearing.  Read on, if this interests you.  

There are many good things about being married but, because each marriage is different, it is likely that not everyone has yet discovered them all. Being married is generally regarded as being a positive thing and with good reason. That is not to say that being single is in any way wrong but it does suggest that being married has certain benefits and advantages over being single.

So just what are the best things about being married?

Companionship. In a marriage there is always someone to talk to or to listen to you. Sometimes, of course, your spouse might not be 'really' listening to you but it is still more satisfying than talking to yourself. It is good to have someone there to have a conversation, to bounce ideas of or to have a witty exchange of remarks. Companionship also offers support and can be particularly important at times of trouble or stress. At such times, having a partner has distinct advantages over being single.

Social Life. Simply by having a partner with you, you can have a social life that is not so readily or easily available for singletons. You can visit places together, visit friends or holiday together. For the single person, that is far more difficult as often modern social life is geared around 'couples' and the single person can often feel left out or sometimes, simply not invited. At times, perhaps, having children might seem to impede your social life but, really, it just brings a change in your social life and much of that social life involves being with your children. Until, that is, they grow and start building their own social lives.

Longer Life. Well certainly for men. Studies have shown that married men tend to live longer than single men. It seems that marriage has a stabilising influence upon men, resulting in less stress and more opportunities to relieve stress and gain pleasure. It seems that even a 'bad' marriage is better for men than being single; I guess even a 'bad' marriage is not 'bad' all the time!

Less Stressful Child-rearing. Stress seems almost inevitable when it comes to raising children. Although many single parents do raise children successfully, it seems the stress is less when the tasks are shared with a partner.

So there you have four of the best things about being married. Each marriage is, of course, different, so you may well find other advantages in your marriage. Do you appreciate those advantages, though, do you realise the benefits your partner brings to you? The chances are that you do not, or at least you do not realise fully the advantages in your marriage. Take a little time to think and reflect then try writing down, or telling your partner, the good things about your marriage.

Credits: Doug Woods

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Marriage - defined

What is Marriage?

Here are some humorous definitions.

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus:  engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

10. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

11. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

12. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

13. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

14. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.

15. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

16. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.

17. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

18. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

19. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

20. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The old woodcutter



One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, and angel appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The angel went down in the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

"Is this your axe?" the angel asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The angel again went down and came up with a silver axe."Is this your axe?" the angel asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The angel went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?"the angel asked.

"Yes", he replied.

The angel was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Few months later, the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the same angel again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying now?"

"Oh angel, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The angel went down into the water and came up with Angelina Jolie.

"Is this your wife?" the angel asked.

"Yes, that's her." cried the woodcutter.

The angel was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, "Oh, forgive me, angel, it is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Angelina Jolie, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no'to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Oh, dear angel, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to Angelina Jolie."


Image Credit: learning from life