Men and Women - Part 2

OFFSPRING
WOMEN: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
MEN are vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

MIRRORS:
MEN are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror.
Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface–mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola’s head.

GARAGES
WOMEN use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers.
MEN use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, and they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.

MOVIES
WOMEN: For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in “Gone With The Wind”.
MEN: For men, it’s when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark’s face in “Public Enemy”.

JEWELRY
WOMEN look nice when they wear jewelry.
MEN can get away with wearing one ring, and that’s it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

MENOPAUSE
WOMEN: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual.
MEN: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction–he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

TELEPHONE
MEN see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.
WOMEN: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

LOW BLOWS
Let’s say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of the fighters is felled by a low blow.
WOMEN: “Oh, my, that must hurt.”
MEN: The man doubles over and actually feels pain.

DIRECTIONS
WOMEN: If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions.
MEN: Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, “Looks like I’ve found a new way to get there”, and, “I know I’m in the neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11″.

ADMITTING MISTAKES
WOMEN will sometimes admit making a mistake.
MEN: The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.