Thursday, November 3, 2011

Roller coaster ride

Past day and a half has been extremely hectic at my new assignment - had a deliverable to make today and just wrapped it up. This is because I am working with some high energy guys and couple of super intelligent consultants. Some of my candidates are offshore and I had to interview them during night.

I felt this evening as if I've been doing this for over 2 months now, mainly coz I've been working non-stop since yesterday afternoon by skipping b'fast, lunch and dinner and pulling an all nighter.  It's the same feeling like getting off a roller coaster ride. Took couple of breaks in between, just to post something here.

Now, I feel relieved as if I am on the ground and am free tomorrow until noon. I get on the roller coaster on Sunday again.


Gradual medication


The older brother was on vacation in Europe and his younger brother called him and said, “Your cat died.”

The older brother is in tears. “I loved that cat. I’ve had that cat for 20 years. You can’t just blurt out bad news on the phone like that. You need to let me know gradually. You should have called and told me the cat was on the roof or something. Then the next day, tell me the cat still won’t come down. Then after you slowly work up to it, you can tell me the cat died.”

The younger brother apologizes and says he’ll learn to be more sensitive in the future.

“By the way,” the older brother adds, “How’s Mom”?

After a long silence, the younger brother says, “She’s up on the roof.”

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Spiritual Hero

HOLY SPIRIT

I said good morning to Jesus
As I slipped out of my bed
My eyes were barely open, while
I yawned and scratched my head

I continued talking to my Lord
For I had something on my mind
T'was about the Holy Spirit
So sweet, so gentle, so kind. 

I thanked Jesus for the many times
The Holy Spirit spoke to me
Pulling me from trouble's door
Exposing sin... I didn't see

Or the many times, when in harms way
He led me towards the light
And the times he gave me peace
On a lonely or fearful night

Those times I felt so sick and tired
Not wanting to face another day
Is thwne I'd hear His quiet whispers
To have faith... He'd led the way

Lord, I'm grateful that you sent Him
He'll be there for me... I know
Teaching, guiding, spreading His light
For He is... my spiritual hero. 




Copyright Judith Johnson Kypta

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Monkeys fasting



A group of monkeys decide to go on a fast one day.

“Before we begin, I think we should keep the food with which we’ll break the fast ready,” counselled the old monkey chief.

The monkeys nodded their heads in agreement. The youngsters were sent in search of food. They returned with huge hands of delicious-looking bananas.

“I think each of us should keep our share of bananas with us before we begin our fast, so that we don’t spend time distributing them after we break our fast. You can imagine how hungry we all will be by then!” said the chief’s wife.

The monkeys liked the idea and they collected their share of the bananas.

“Why don’t we peel one banana and keep it ready to eat? ” said one of the youngsters.

“Yes, let’s do that,” shouted a fat monkey in agreement. Just looking at the bananas was making him hungry.

“All right,” said the monkey chief. “We shall peel the bananas but under no condition should we eat them.”

So the monkeys peeled their bananas and carefully kept them ready for eating in the evening.

“Can I keep the banana in my mouth? I promise not to eat it till evening. Please!” a little monkey asked his father.

“Why don’t we all put a banana in our mouth? That way we can chew it immediately when we break the fast,” said his father, who had agreed to go on the fast only because his wife had not given him a choice. “As long as we don’t eat it, it should be fine,” he added.

So, the monkeys put the bananas in their mouths. One by one they eyed each other uncomfortably as they began their fast - and within no time at all, the bananas disappeared down their gullets. And that was the end of their fast!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Approvals

We need consent and approval for each and everything. We have to go through so many hoops to get an American visa. Then again numerous approvals and paperwork to get residency and citizenship. We need the consent and approval of our parents to start a new life with the individual we like. Imaging the restless wait and trouble our friends had to endure to get an approval for a new church - just to gather and pray together in peace. No - it's not just you and me. It was applicable even to God.

God decided to create the heaven and earth.  He created heaven without any problem. God soon started creating the earth. Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn't be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the earthly part.

At the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.

Then God said, "Let there be light."

Officials immediately demanded to know how the light would be made. Would it require strip mining? What about thermal pollution?

God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire, and provisional approval was granted with the provison that no smoke would result.

The authorities demanded the issuance of a building permit, and (to conserve energy) required that the light be left off half the time. God agreed, saying he would call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night." Officials replied that they were only interested in protecting the environment, not in semantics.

God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed."

The EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.

Then God said, "Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth."

Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.

Everything went along smoothly until God declared that he intended to complete the project in six days.

Officials informed God it would take at least 200 days to review his many waiver applications and environmental impact statements. After that there would have to be a public hearing, and then there would be a 10-12 month probationary period before.... (the story goes on and on).

At this point, God created Hell and everyone is busy getting there.

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Valid claims



Marriage counseling, also called couples therapy, is a type of psychotherapy. Marriage counseling helps couples - married or not - recognize and resolve conflicts and improve their relationships. It is usually provided by clinical social workers or licensed therapists. Marriage counseling typically includes both partners, but sometimes one partner chooses to work with a therapist alone.

Imagine you were a marriage counselor for the next 5 minutes. What would you tell these folks who came to you with their valid claims:

Claim # 1: “The fight we had last night was my fault. My wife asked me what was on the TV and I said dust.”

Claim # 2: “Before marriage, I yearned for the woman I loved. After marriage, the ‘y’ became silent.”

Claim # 3: “Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble started when we tried to decide which one.”

Claim # 4: “I was told in premarital counseling that marriage was a union. A union of heart, a union of soul, a union of minds. Nobody told us about having to pay those high union dues.”

Claim # 5: “Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street.”

Claim # 6: “I think my marriage is in trouble because my wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and I can’t remember what it is.”

Claim # 7: “I wanted my wife to be beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But now I find out polygamy is illegal.”

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Richer life


Do you want a richer life? Then start seeing. Really seeing. Within a few days of trying this technique, you'll open up a whole new world of wonder around you. Do you have a wooden chair in your home? Look at it. Can you see a tree, growing in a forest, men cutting it down, hauling the log away and turning it into lumber? Can you see craftsmen and women in a furniture factory, using their skills to turn that raw lumber into your beautiful chair? Can you see a truck driver hauling it to a store? Can you see someone delivering it to your home? Everything you see is more than you see. Trees are incredible life systems, with intricate networks of roots below the ground, reaching out for water and nutrients. Sap is like a plant's bloodstream, carrying those chemicals to all parts of the organism. Can you see all that when you eat an apple or an orange? As you read this, can you see me in my home in Marietta, GA, USA, typing this up on my laptop computer, reaching out to you, perhaps on the other side of the planet? Can you grasp what I'm trying to pass along to you? Can you rise above taking everything you come in contact with for granted? May I ask you to develop a new sense of appreciation. May I request you to return to your childlike sense of wonder, curiosity and awe. Can you see a loving, caring God reaching out to you? Can you see our loving God showering blessings upon you and your family? If you look hard enough, you'll begin to see that, and much, much more. You'll know, as you did as a child, that your world is a stupendous, amazing place. God wants you to enjoy it and find your place in it. When you start to look at things this way, you will have a much richer life!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween one liners



Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
He had bat breath!

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin!

What haunts your house and clucks?
A poultry-gheist!

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts!

How do ghosts begin letters?
"Tomb it may concern..."

Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to "The Other Side"!

What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling!

What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets!

How do you know if a ghost is lying?
You can see right through him!

Why wasn't the vampire working?
He was on his coffin break!

How can you tell when windows are scared?
They get shudders!

How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
By witchful thinking!

What is a mummy's favorite music?
WRAP!

Why was the mummy so tense?
He was all wound up!

Who does a goblin go out with on Halloween?
His ghoul friend!

How do you mend a broken Jack-o'lantern?
With a pumpkin patch!

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o'lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi!

What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
He was repossessed!

Happy Halloween - be safe!!

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The innkeeper's coat

A professional thief was travelling through a certain country.  When he becamed tired in the evening, he rented a room at an inn and stayed there for the night.

The next morning while looking out of his window, he saw the owner of the inn sitting in the courtyard. The man was wearing an expensive new coat which the thief decided would look good on himself.

The thief then devised a plan, went out, sat beside the innkeeper and struck up a conversation with him.

After a while, the thief yawned and to the innkeeper's astonishment, howled like a wolf.

"Why did you do that?" asked the innkeeper.

"I have no control over it," said the thief. "If I yawn three times I actually turn into a wolf. Please don't leave me. I'm frightened!"

And with that he yawned again and let out another howl. The innkeeper turned pale and got up to go but the thief caught hold of his coat and begged him to stay. Even as he pleaded, he yawned again. The terrified innkeeper wriggled out of the coat to which the thief was tightly holding on and ran into the inn and locked himself in. The thief calmly put on the coat and walked away, humming his favorite song.

Moral: Don't believe every story you hear.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Sunday Worship



"God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." - John 4:24

Our foremost and number 1 priority at the church is worship, or the Holy Qurbana.  It is scheduled every Sunday morning at the church for believers to gather and to charge our spiritual batteries.

Many people go to the church on Sundays to 'see the Holy Qurbana.' When we go to Church on Sunday it appears to majority that the priest, the choir and the Altar boys are performing for the crowd who came to 'see the Holy Qurbana.'

Wrong - this is a terrible misconception about worship.

We do not go to the Church on Sunday 'to see the Holy Qurbana' but instead, to partake in the Holy Qurbana. The congregation along with the choir and altar boys help the priest lead the service. God is the true audience. This is the right perspective.  Yes, we are the performers and we are performing for God.

When we have to go to work, watch a movie, go to the airport, attend a school or doctors appointment, we show up on time and never are late. Even better, if we have a song or drama to perform in front of an audience, we show on or before the scheduled time - we even get prepared.

Sadly enough, when it comes to attending church on a Sunday morning to perform in front of God, many of us we fail utterly. God provided us with a healthy body, a car for transportation, the money to fill gas, nice clothes to wear on a Sunday, the literacy to read and understand His Hymns, a church to worship, a family to go together with, and everything needed to go perform for Him. Yet, many of us are tardy when it's our turn to perform for God.

We have all sorts of excuses when we have to go to church on time - we blame it on our kids, weather, spouse, previous night's events, road construction and other countless excuses. When we walk into the scantuary late, our action speaks louder than our voice.  Some of us are bit embarrassed about how other people feel our late coming - until the next late person shows up.  We never ever think about how God will feel about we being late.

When we are late to church, we show how much we care for God - the value we attach for Almighty.  Would we do the same if an important person invited us to his/her house?

We are acknowledging to our kids, "It's okay to go late to church." But when it is your turn, kids, you should try to go early; but we parents won't do it.  I have heard several Sunday school teachers asking kids, "Why are you not in your Sunday school class yet - didn't you hear the bell ring?" These are the same people who missed the church bells early morning at the start of the Sunday Service.

If you are going to church just to meet others, then you are on the right track - it's only towards the end when everyone comes out to show off new merchandise, clothes, jewelry, catch up on gossip etc.

But if your motive is truly to worship, be serious and on time - don't be tardy when you are performing for God.

So much about being on time for worship. Let me talk about 'worshiping in Spirit and truth' at a later time.

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