Saturday, September 24, 2011

Pick up lines

Pick up lines out of a guy's backpack:

Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.

Can I borrow that quarter, ’cause my mom told me to call home when I fell in love.

What’s wrong? You’re looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me.

Are your legs tired? ’cause you been running through my mind ALL day long.

Are you lost? ’cause it’s so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?

Can I see that label? I just wanted to know if you were made in heaven.

Do you like raisins? How about a date?

Is it hot in here, or is it just you?

Look at you, with all those curves, and me with no brakes.

Hi, my name’s _____, but you can call me "lover".

Could I borrow a quarter? ’cause I just want to call your mother and thank her.

Hi, my name is _____, how do you like me so far?

(At the copy machine) Reproducing, eh? Can I help?

You look like the type of girl that’s heard every line in the book. So what’s one more?

Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

I’m new in town…could you give me directions to your apartment?

I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve seen…on a Wednesday

I know this is going to sound like a line, but did that sound like a line? Are you disappointed?

I know I don’t look like much now, but I’m drinking milk.

Are you religious? Good, cause I’m here to answer your prayers.

Why don’t you drop the zero and get with the hero

Inheriting 80 million doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?

If your parents hadn’t met, I’d be a very unhappy man right now.

I want you almost as much as I want world peace.

You can forget about going to heaven because it’s sin to look that good.

We both know that I am going to follow you home anyway, so why don’t you just come along peacefully?

I envy your lipstick.

I just want to be loved - is that so wrong?

You remind me of an ice cold Pepsi - I’ve just gotta have it.

Do you believe in the hereafter? Good, then you know what I’m here after.

Is it me or am I gorgeous?

I’d even marry your dog just to be related to you.

If I had eleven roses and you, I’d have a dozen.

Baby, you look so sweet you’re giving me a cavity.
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Guess



You guessed it - right.

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Change


A college professor after handing out a test to his class went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over, all students handed their test answers back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

In the next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test answers, his test grade, and $64 change.

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Snake bit woman - snake died

Last March while I was travelling to New York, I happened to read this in the New York Daily:

An Israeli model and actress Orit Fox was posing for a seductive photo shoot with a massive boa. Orit tried to ramp up the sex factor by licking the snake, which proved costly when she loosened her grip on the snake.  The reptile went straight for the model's left breast implant and latched onto it for several seconds before being pulled off by an assistant. See the video below.  


Orit was rushed to a local hospital, where she was given a tetanus shot - she is just fine.

However, the poor snake wasn't so lucky and died of silicone poisoning few hours later.

Moral: be careful while dealing with women.

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Loved ones

Death doesn't sever the connection between loved ones, say people who've experienced so-called crisis apparitions.

People who are extremely close develop a virtual telepathic link that exists in, and beyond, this world.

Some people claim that loved ones have contacted them after death.

Some witnesses say apparitions appear lifelike, and that the images are reassuring.

Click here to read today's CNN article, "Do loved ones bid farewell from beyond the grave?"


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Words to remember



Friday, September 23, 2011

Hair art

Hair is usually regarded as a very important part of the human body and is worn with pride - especially by women.

Kerry Howley, a creative art student, from Cambridge, England, is creating quite a buzz in the art world, with her collection of delicate necklaces made from human hair.

See some of Kerry's designs below.  Click here to go to her website which contains gallery and upcoming exhibitions.





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Wedding vows - modern

Just believe



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Thursday, September 22, 2011

9 Lessons about sickness

Nine Lesson Concerning Sickness – written by Bishop J.C. Ryle in 1889

1. Sickness is meant to make us think-to remind us that we have a soul as well as a body-an immortal soul-a soul that will live forever in happiness or in misery-and that if this soul is not saved we had better never have been born

2. Sickness is meant to teach us that there is a world beyond the grave-and that the world we now live in is only a training-place for another dwelling, where there will be no decay, no sorrow, no tears, no misery, and no sin

3. Sickness is meant to make us look at our past lives honestly, fairly, and conscientiously. Am I ready for my great change if I should not get better? Do I repent truly of my sins? Are my sins forgiven and washed away in Christ’s blood? Am I prepared to meet God?

4. Sickness is meant to make us see the emptiness of the world and its utter inability to satisfy the highest and deepest needs of the soul

5. Sickness is meant to send us to our Bibles. That blessed Book, in the days of health, is too often left on the shelf, becomes the safest place in which to put a bank-note, and is never opened from January to December. But sickness often brings it down from the shelf and throws new light on its pages.

6. Sickness is meant to make us pray. Too many, I fear, never pray at all, or they only rattle over a few hurried words morning and evening without thinking what they do. But prayer often becomes a reality when the valley of the shadow of death is in sight.

7. Sickness is meant to make us repent and break off our sins. If we will not hear the voice of mercies, God sometimes makes us “hear the rod.”

8. Sickness is meant to draw us to Christ. Naturally we do not see the full value of that blessed Savior. We secretly imagine that our prayers, good deeds, and sacrament-receiving will save our souls. But when flesh begins to fail, the absolute necessity of a Redeemer, a Mediator, and an Advocate with the Father, stands out before men’s eyes like fire, and makes them understand those words, “Simply to Your cross I cling,” as they never did before. Sickness has done this for many-they have found Christ in the sick room.

9. Last, but not least, sickness is meant to make us feeling and sympathizing towards others. By nature we are all far below our blessed Master’s example, who had not only a hand to help all, but a heart to feel for all. None, I suspect, are so unable to sympathize as those who have never had trouble themselves-and none are so able to feel as those who have drunk most deeply the cup of pain and sorrow.

Feeling any better, after reading this?


Work history


Here's a guy explaining his work history:

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t cut it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

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Thoughts on someday

It's Saturday night in Bethany. Simon, formerly "the leper," has invited Jesus and his disciples over for dinner. Lazarus' sister enters, trembling. She carries an alabaster jar of perfume. Not the cheap stuff, rather pure nard - worth a year's wages. Mary opens the jar and pours. The sweet fragrance of extravagant love bathes the entire room. Mary knew that extravagant love is meant to be shared. Mary's logic - what good is perfume if it never escapes the jar?

When was the last time you expressed love extravagantly, generously, with joyous abandon? Are you holding back, linking arms with "someday?"

"Someday we'll have them over for dinner."

"Let's get out together someday."

"We'll take that vacation trip someday."

"I'll give him/her a call someday."

Have you ever noticed - how "someday" arrives with the frequency of Haley's Comet? How calendars too often take precedence over caring? How an excuse is more important than connecting? How that weeds of neglect wither the flower of friendship?

The truth is, "somedays" never come. So let's plant the garden. Cultivate that friendship. Buy the gift, send the card, offer the hug. Make the apology. Slow down and think for a minute. Is there a call we need to make? A letter we need to mail? An invitation to extend, an email to send - or respond to?

Let's do it now.

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Fighting porn

While internet is a great source of information readily available to us at homes, it also has few down sides. One of the most prominent and that causing havoc to families is pornography.  Yes - it's available inside our own homes and is just a click away.

An innocent child doing homework, or playing online games can easily stumble upon a porn site and fall prey to it. Most of the porn marketers know where kids surf and lurk exactly in those waters.  While boys make up majority of porn consumers, there are tons of web sites aimed at girls as well. Porn may appear to be harmless, and 'not so destructive' on the surface though.

Porn is addictive and paints a wrong picture in the minds of children. What porn sites do is, they create a world of fantasy. Our kids growing up watching this fantasy world can become completely dissatisfied with their spouse when they face reality. They will start seeking out the fantasy world that's in their mind. Ultimately, they will be shocked when they find out that the fantasy world in which they grew up never really existed.

Porn's influence changes the way viewers think and act.  Porn sites portray girls as mere objects of pleasure - sort of commodity that can be exploited. This is another wrong message that's being infused into the minds of our next generation. By watching porn, it becomes acceptable in the minds of guys to treat all women the way they see those women in porn. They then fail to relate women at a human to human level.  Further, watching porn inspires guys to indulge in sexual crimes and domestic violence against women. All women deserve to be treated with due respect - regardless of age.

There are scores of material out there related to this topic online. While we cannot prevent the porn industry boom, there are certain thing we could do at our end by not receiving it.  We could protect and safeguard our own homes.

We should have an open talk with our kids about porn and it's downsides. Avoiding a computer in a child's room can prevent a child to go that route. This option is valid until the child goes to college.  At home, we could make the browsing experience safe for kids by using internet filters. Here are some related links:

http://www.contentpurity.com/
http://www.cyberpatrol.com/
http://www.microsoft.com/windows/products/windowsvista/features/details/parentalcontrols.mspx
http://www.apple.com/macosx/features/family/
http://www.optenetpc.com
http://www.spectorsoft.com/products/SpectorPro_Windows/
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/4351
http://veridium.net/homeguard-activity-monitor/porn-filter

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Long black train




There's a long black train comin' down the line
Feeding off the souls that are lost and cryin'
Rails of sin, only evil remains
Watch out, brother, for that long black train

Look to the Heavens, you can look to the sky
You can find redemption staring back into your eyes
There is protection and there's peace the same
Burnin' your ticket for that long black train

'Cause there's victory in the Lord, I say
Victory in the Lord
Cling to the Father and His Holy name
And don't go ridin' on that long black train

There's an engineer on that long black train
Makin' you wonder if the ride is worth the pain
He's just a-waitin' on your heart to say
"Let me ride on that long black train"

But you know there's victory in the Lord, I say
Victory in the Lord
Cling to the Father and His Holy name
And don't go ridin' on that long black train

Well, I can hear the whistle from a mile away
It sounds so good but I must stay away
That train is a beauty makin' everybody stare
But its only destination is the middle of nowhere

But you know there's victory in the Lord, I say
Victory in the Lord
Cling to the Father and His Holy name
And don't go ridin' on that long black train

I said cling to the Father and His Holy name
And don't go ridin' on that long black train

Yeah, watch out brother for that long black train
That devil's drivin' that long black train



Shape of glass

Couple of days ago, I published a comparison between Church and Bar (here). Apparently, majority of people prefer bar over church. The choice of church typically comes to people late in their lives. An exception to this is, if and only if the Holy Spirit intervenes into their lives and opens their eyes. Until then, people use alcohol to lift up their spirits - which is the social norm.

This post is not to discourage anyone from going to the bar for few drinks - that decision has to come from within. Here, I shall share info on how to get 'more bang for your buck' at a bar by asking for a short wide mouthed glass.

The British Medical Journal (BMJ) published an article related to the shape of glass and amount of alcohol poured. According to the study, those who want to drink more should choose short wide mouthed glasses at the bar versus tall slender glasses. Customers who choose a wide glass at the bar receive about 20 -30% more alcohol compared to those using tall and slender glass - even from experienced bartenders.

Click here to read the complete article on BMJ.

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Monday, September 19, 2011

Teen Wisdom

Teachers in Junior High are always asking students what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for better ideas.
Paula Poundstone

Too many people grow up. That’s the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up. They forget. They don’t remember what it’s like to be 12 years old. They patronize, they treat children as inferiors. Well I won’t do that.
Walt Disney

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
Dave Barry

We’ve had bad luck with children; they all grew up to be teenagers.
Christopher Morley

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
Dave Barry

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
Dave Barry

We’ve had bad luck with children; they all grew up to be teenagers.
Christopher Morley

Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what’s to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn’t have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves… for growing up.
The Wonder Years

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished a how much he had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain