Saturday, January 8, 2011

Do What?

When Mary and Jim were dating, Mary became concerned over the lavish amount of money Jim was spending on her. After an expensive dinner date, she asked her mother, "What can I do to stop Jim from spending so much money on me?"

Her mother replied, "Marry him."

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Dan Nainan in Atlanta


Promo Clip from danfanclub on Vimeo.

Dan Nainan is performing tonight at the Gwinnett Center.  I had the opportunity to meet and speak with him couple of years ago. His Dad hails from Kerala, India, and mother is from Japan.  Dan used to work in the IT sector and is now devoting his time to comedy.  His current program at the Gwinnett Center today at 4:00 PM is to raise funds for a local church.

Dan recently presented at the democratic national convention, starred in few Hollywood movies and is also featured in the PC vs Mac advt.

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No Worries

Disturb Us

Disturb us, O Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves;
When our dreams come true only because we have dreamed too little;
When we arrive safely only because we sailed too close to the shore;
When with the abundance of things we are losing our thirst for more of God;
When in loving time, we have ceased to dream of eternity;
When in our desire to build on this earth
We have lost our vision of a new heaven.

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Friday, January 7, 2011

Lawyers ask the darndest questions

These questions below, were asked by lawyers and were taken from actual court documents in America:

"Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"

"Now doctor, is it not true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?"

Q: "What happened then?"
A: "He told me, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Q: "And did he kill you?"

"Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

"The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?"

"Were you alone or by yourself?"

"Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"

Q: "I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?"
A: "That’s me."
Q: "Were you present when he picture was taken?"

"Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"

Q: "Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated ?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

Q: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
A: "I’ll be three months on November 8th."
Q: "Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A: "Yes."
Q: "What were you doing at that time?

"So you were gone until you returned?"

Q: "She had three children right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"

"Mrs. Jones, how many times have you committed suicide?"

"You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"

Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

Q: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?"
A: "The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m."
Q: "And Mr. Edington was dead at that time?"

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The Baseball Game


Bob was caught up in the spirit where he and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team. The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. They continued to watch as a big, burly batter, Love, stepped up to the plate . Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single.

"That was great," Bob said.

"Yes," answered the Lord, "Love never fails."

The next batter, a strong lad called Faith, got up to bat and slapped a single into right field.

"Wonderful!" said Bob.

"Yes," answered the Lord, "Faith and Love work together well."

The next batter up was Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch. Wisdom looked it over and let it pass.

"Looked good to me," said Bob, a little confused.

The Lord shook his head. "It wasn't, Wisdom is never fooled by Satan's pitches."

Ball one. Three more pitches and Wisdom walked. The bases were loaded.

The Lord then turned to Bob and told him He was going to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace, a scrawny, gentle-looking player.

"He doesn't look like much," Bob said.

Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace. Cat-calls and jeering hoots filled the air. Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch.

To Bob's amazement, Grace hit the ball high into the stars. But Satan was not worried; his center fielder, the Prince of the Power of the Air, let very few get by. He shot up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, spun him around, and sent him crashing on the ground. The ball continued flying through space, giving the Lord's team a winning home run!

Bob gave the Lord a puzzled look and asked, "Why couldn't Love, Faith, or Godly Wisdom hit a homer like that?"

The Lord replied, "Love, Faith, and Wisdom are great players, but only Grace can get you home."

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Thursday, January 6, 2011

Lost and Found

Says one humorist: "Life is unfair. I lost my car keys at a ball game and never found them. I lost my sunglasses at the beach and never found them. I lost my socks in the washing machine and never found them. I lost three pounds on a diet -- I found them and five more."

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A Child's Love

Here is a first-person account from a mother about her family as they ate dinner on Christmas Day in a small restaurant many miles from their home.

Nancy, the mother, relates:

We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly eating and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, "Hi there." He pounded his fat baby hands on the high-chair tray. His eyes were wide with excitement and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin. He then, wriggled and giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man with a tattered rag of a coat; dirty, greasy and worn. His pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map.

We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists. "Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Erik. My husband and I exchanged looks, "What do we do?"

Erik continued to laugh and answer, "Hi, hi there." Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby.

Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, "Do ya know patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo." Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door. "Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik," I prayed.

As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to side-step him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's "pick-me-up" position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man's.

Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love relationship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor -- gently, so gently, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back.

No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms for a moment, and then his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, "You take care of this baby."

Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone. He pried Erik from his chest - unwillingly, longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift."

I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, "My God, my God, forgive me." I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was God asking -- "Are you willing to share your son for a moment?" - when He shared His for all eternity. The ragged old man unwittingly, had reminded me, "To enter the Kingdom of God, we must become as little children."

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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

2011 Outlook

Here is what an economist had to say about 2011:

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald’s, and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!!

The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear.

McDonald’s tried to sell me their new 1/4 ‘ouncer’.

My bank returned my check marked “Insufficient Funds”. I called them and found out it was their account, not mine.

Then I read this morning’s paper and saw
- A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
- The Mafia is laying off judges.
- Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
- Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.
- BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

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Decisions

A young man of 32 had been appointed president of the bank. He'd never dreamed he'd be president, much less at such a young age. So he approached the venerable Chairman of the Board and said, "You know, I've just been appointed President. I was wondering if you could give me some advice."

The old man came back with just two words: "Right decisions!"

The young man had hoped for a bit more than this, so he said, "That's really helpful, and I appreciate it, but can you be more specific? How do I make right decisions?"

The wise old man simply responded, "Experience."

The young man said, "Well, that's just the point of my being here. I don't have the kind of experience I need. How do I get it?"

Came the terse reply, "Wrong decisions!"

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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Nelson Mandela

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you've obviously got the wrong bloke. Push off", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, push off ! You've got the wrong bloke! I don't want them!"

Then he slams the door in his face again. The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinaman thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Maindealer?"

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Windshield Wiper

One rainy afternoon a mother was driving along one of the main streets of town. Suddenly, her son Matthew spoke up from his relaxed position in the rear seat.

 “Mom, I’m thinking of something.”

This announcement usually meant he had been pondering some fact for a while and was now ready to expound all that his seven-year-old mind had discovered. His mother was eager to hear.

“What are you thinking?” she asked.

“The rain, is like sin and the windscreen wipers are like God, wiping our sins away.”

“That’s really good, Matthew”, she replied.

Then her curiosity broke in. How far would this little boy take this revelation?

So she asked,”Do you notice how the rain keeps on coming? What does that tell you?”

Matthew didn’t hesitate one moment with his answer:

“We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us.”

Isn’t it comforting to know that God does keep forgiving us? That all we have to do is trust Jesus as our savior and He will keep washing our sins away.

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Smile

It has been said that a simple smile can change a person’s life. It has been said that a single kind word can spread throughout the whole world and change history. I was thinking of these sayings recently when I remembered a story I had once heard about two boys.

Both of these boys were born in the late eighteen hundreds. The first boy was the son of a poor cobbler and had contracted smallpox as a child. This left his face scarred and caused him to face teasing from the other boys. He sought solace by dreaming of a career in the church. His first job was as an altar boy but he was sharply criticized by the priest when he made a mistake during a service. This boy later abandoned the seminary as a young adult. The second boy was sickly as a child too contracting tuberculosis as a baby. He also felt drawn to a career in the church. He too had his first experience in church as an altar boy. And he as well made several mistakes once during a service. The difference was he was forgiven and encouraged to keep trying by the kindhearted priest there.

The first of these boys grew up to become Joseph Stalin, the dictator of the Soviet Union, who slaughtered untold millions of his own people to maintain his power and control over his country. The second boy grew up to become Bishop Fulton J. Sheen who touched millions of lives and brought joy to millions of hearts by sharing God’s message through his television show "Life is Worth Living" in the nineteen fifties.

This story reminded me of how much power God gives us to change lives in this world. Every smile we share is important. Every kind word we speak is essential. Every loving act we do can encircle this entire world. May we always use this power wisely. May we always give every little boy or girl the same love our Heavenly Father gives us.


Credits: Joseph J. Mazzella

Happy Schooling

School is reopening today, after the holidays.  This will be the first day of class during this New Year.  Look at it as a new beginning. Look at it as Day 1.

"Take the first step in faith - you don't have to see the whole staircase.  Just take the first step," said Martin Luther King, Jr.

One step at a time, do a good job of what you have in your hands today.  We all will get there.

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Monday, January 3, 2011

Another Year Has Gone By



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Peach Brandy

The minister of a city church in Georgia, enjoyed a drink now and then but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday.

In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left. So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment.

The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches - and for the spirit in which they were given!"

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Nintendo 3DS

According to CNN:

Nintendo is warning young children against playing 3-D video games on its upcoming handheld gaming system, the Nintendo 3DS.

Kids younger than 6 who play the 3-D games may have the growth of their eyes stunted, the company said in a statement on its Japanese website.

The warning notes that parents can turn off the 3-D functionality of the handheld 3DS. They can also set passwords that keep kids from using that feature.

The statement also asks everyone who plays the 3-D gaming system to take periodic breaks from the games as often as every hour or 30 minutes.

The warning follows many others on the potential health effects of three-dimensional entertainment. TV makers have issued warnings about young people, pregnant women and even drunk people viewing 3-D TV, noting that the medium may cause nausea, dizziness and seizures.

In one such warning, Samsung said those risks are heightened in kids.

Nintendo has largely gotten favorable reviews for the 3DS system, which lets players see games in three dimensions without wearing the clunky glasses that are required for most 3-D television and movie displays.

The company debuted the 3DS at a trade show earlier this year.

The $300 device is scheduled to hit stores in Japan in February and then in the United States in March.

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Few interesting pics























Finally, the photographer - Eric Johansson, in his early 20's.


Sunday, January 2, 2011

Possible New Year Resolutions


Did you make any New Year resolutions?  Do you find it awfully difficult to keep?  Here are few resolutions that are relatively easy to maintain:

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

3. Read less. Makes you think.

4. Watch more TV. You’ve been missing some good stuff.

5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

6. Stop bringing lunch from home: Eat out more.

7. Get in a whole NEW rut!

8. Spend your summer vacation in Cyberspace.

9. Focus on the faults of others

10. Create loose ends.

11. Get more toys.

12. Get further in debt.

13. Don’t believe politicians.

14. Break at least one traffic law.

15. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.

16. Don’t swim with piranhas or sharks.

17. Associate with even worse business clients.

18. Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.

19. Wait around for opportunity.

20. Never make New Year’s resolutions again.

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Happy New Year to you






Let's Start 2011