Saturday, June 19, 2010

Boss


While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?"

The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess."

The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"

Happy Father's Day.

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Interest


A Cowboy from the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia, walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Mexico for an international rodeo for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Cowboy handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Cowboy produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Cowboy from Georgia for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Cowboy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a highly sophisticated investor and multimillionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of oil wells in Texas.  What puzzles us is – why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The good ‘ole Georgian boy replied, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Don’t mess with people from Atlanta, GA.

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Big word

Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by. She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy.

"My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?"

"Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"

Happy Father's Day.

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The prodigal son


The parable of prodigal son is a good Father's day story, from the Bible.  Prodigal means to spend a lot of money on things you don't need and being very wasteful with what you have.  You will see that, that is exactly what this son does.

Once there was a father that had two sons.  One day the younger son said to his father, "Father, could you give me my inheritance?" (Inheritance is money the father would give his children after he had died.)  So the father thought about it and decided his sons could have the money now, and he split it evenly between them.

Very soon after the younger son received the money, he decided that since he had so much money he would move to a different country and have some fun with it.

When he left, he left for good.  He took every last thing he had and didn't plan on returning.  He wanted to be grown up and spend all his money how he wanted with no one to tell him what to do.

So he just left.  He left a big farm with many hired men with everything he needed, he left his family, and more importantly he left his father who trusted him enough to give him the money.  This probably made his father very sad and I'm sure he missed him very much.

While the son was gone he spent all the money he had right away.  He didn't think to save any of it.  He ate out every meal every day, he bought fancy cars, he threw wild parties and spent money on many other things that God wouldn't be happy with.

After he had spent all his money, the country he was living in became very poor and they hardly had enough food for everyone.  It was even worse for people who had no money because food became even more expensive, so it was very hard for poor people to get any food.

The son was in trouble.  He had no money, no place to live, he had nothing to eat, so he had to get a job.  The only job he could find was feeding pigs.  He was so hungry he tried to eat the food that the pigs were eating but his boss caught him and told him if he ever saw him doing that again he would lose his job.

That night as the son was walking home his stomach wouldn't stop growling, he was so hungry.  He saw some people walking towards him and he asked them if they could give him any money for food, but no one would give him anything.  Everyone was so poor it was hard to share with anyone.

The son went to bed hungry and when he woke up he realized something.  When he lived with his father even the hired men had more food than they needed, and now he was starving to death.  At that moment he made a plan.  He would go back to his father's house and say to him, 'I have sinned against God and against you.  I don't deserve to be called your son, so hire me and I will work for you."

He knew that if he became like a hired man on his father's farm he would still be better off than he was right now.  He would always have a warm place to stay and food to eat.  So he headed for home.

It took the son a long time to get home, he was just hoping that his dad would let him work at the farm and let him be a hired man.  The son was walking up the to farm but while he was still a long way off and he could see someone notice him and start to run towards him.  He was sure that they must have been expecting someone else, no one would be excited to see him.

As the person got closer he realized it was his father and he was yelling, "My son! My son! You are finally home!"  He couldn't believe it.  His father threw his arms around him and kissed him.  But the son quickly said, "Father, I have sinned against God and against you.  I don't deserve to be called your son..."  The son wanted to continue but the father said to one of his servants, "Quick!  Bring the best robe and put it on him.  Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the biggest calf and kill it.  Let's have a party and celebrate because my son was lost and is found!"

A little while later, the older son was working in the field and heard music and dancing.  So he called to one of the servants and asked what was going on.  "Your brother has come home and your father is having a party for his return."

This upset the older brother and he refused to go join the party.  The father heard that he was upset, so he went to talk to him and invited him to join the party.  But the son refused saying, "Look!  I have been working for you all these years and I've never disobeyed you.  Yet you never had a big party for me to celebrate with my friends.  But now my younger brother has come home, spent all the money you gave him, and you kill the biggest calf for him!"

"But, my son," the father said, "you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.  We had to celebrate and be glad because this brother of yours was lost and now he is found."

In this parable the father in the story is just like God.  This is how God would be if we ran away from him and we started doing things we shouldn't.  He doesn't give up on us when we do things that are wrong, and he will always forgive us if we've truly changed and repent for what we've done.

Now the older brother in this story just shows how most of us would act if this happened to us.  I think we would all be upset if our younger brother or sister ran away for a long time and did a whole bunch of bad things and then came home and your parents threw a big party for him.

The father was forgiving.  But the eldest son was unforgiving.  In this parable Jesus gives a clear picture of God the Father and what a Father's love is like.

Happy Father's Day.

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Adorable - 4

Friday, June 18, 2010

Football in hyper-space

God, and the devil were each having a holiday in hyper-space.  The topic of conversation turned to Worldcup 2010 and eventually who could turn out the best football team.  Much to the God's surprise the devil proposed a football match to settle their dispute.

As God was leaving He said to the devil, 'Don't you realise that all the 'good' players come to heaven?"

The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the referees!"

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Adorable - 3

Reason to go to Church

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. 'I've gone for 30 years now,' he wrote, 'and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.'

This started a real controversy in the 'Letters to the Editor' column. Much to the delight of the editor, it went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

'I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this... They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!'

Credits: Raju & Renna

My Declaration of Self Esteem

I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.

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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Portrait of a dad

Few father's day quotes

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection. 
-Sigmund Freud 

It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. 
-Johann Schiller 

The most important thing that a father can do for his children is to love their mother. 
-Theodore M. Hesburgh 

Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys. 
-Unknown 

Confessions of a football player


Once, a priest at Notre Dame was listening to their football team's confessions.

At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents."

"Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.

"That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents."

"Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark.

"There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the..... in a sensitive area."

"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?"

"Southern Methodist."

"Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."

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Adorable - 2

Our Perspective

A museum guide who would take his tour group to a darkened room, shine a light on a mass of string, color, and apparent chaos and ask the group, "What do you think this is? "

"I don't know," was the inevitable reply.

He would then say, "Stand over there and watch." As the group moved over to the other side of the room, he would turn on a spotlight. It was instantly apparent that the mass of jumbled colored string seen just a moment earlier was in fact an enormous tapestry-from the back side. The real work had to be seen from a different perspective to understand what the artist was creating.

So is it with God and His ways. We humans often look at God's ways and ask questions such as "Why?" and "How?" We ask such questions because we are on the wrong side of eternity and we also lack the heavenly perspective that would enable us to see the order and pattern to God's work.

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Grandparents


A group of 8 year olds were asked to write about grandparents.  Here is what they had to say:


Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard, or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and spend money on us, cos Grampy has loads of money!

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

My grandma lives at the airport, and when we want her we just go and get her. Then when she's done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.

Grandpa is the smartest man on earth. He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!!!

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.



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FIFA 2010 Calendar

Here is a good calendar that I came across for the ongoing 2010 FIFA World Cup.  Click here to go to the link.  You will like the way in which it was designed and put together.



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Adorable - 1


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Fathers & Children


A - Always trust them to God's care

B - Bring them to church

C - Challenge them to high goals

D - Delight in their achievements

E - Exalt the lord in their presence

F - Frown on evil

G - Give them love

H - Hear their problems

I - Ignore not their childish fears

J - Joyfully accept their apologies

K - Keep their confidence

L - Live a good example before them

M - Make them your friends

N - Never ignore their endless questions

O - Open your home to their visits

P - Pray for them by name

Q - Quicken your interest in their spirituality

R - Remember their needs

S - Show them the way of salvation

T - Teach them to work

U - Understand they are still young

V - Verify your statements

W - Wean them from bad company

X - eXpect them to obey

Y - Yearn for god's best for them

Z - Zealously guide them in biblical truth


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Wisdom

One man said, "I had a brain scan and was told not worry - there was nothing there!" Which is all right because some of my best ideas over the years have come from others, anyway. And I have discovered that wisdom can be found in most any place and from most any person - even the youngest of us.

It was a child who passed on this morsel: "If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person." It is wisdom borne of hard experience.

Yet another child teaches us that "the best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap."

Adults, too, have wisdom to share. One parent observed that "the best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant place to be... and let the air out of their car tires."

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The time to move on

A priest asked the bishop when is the time to "move on" and when is the right time and how to know?

The Bishop offered the priest some advice:

“You know it’s time to leave your church when:

You return from vacation to find the visiting preacher’s name on your mailbox.

Your church is about to split, and neither group wants you.

When you go for a house visit, people pull the window shades and pretend they are not home.

The trustee wall-papers your office with road maps.

Your Christmas gift is a subscription to U-Haul Magazine.

You’re told by the spiritual group that God is calling you to the mission field — now.

The Managing committee members are marching around your house the last six days praying and carrying lanterns.

The congregation forces the Atlar boys to wear sackcloth and make them sit in ash pits

Church members start referring to you in the past tense.

You start receiving gifts two-for-one coupon at Golden Corral.

You show up at the church on Monday morning to discover the locks have been changed."

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Phone Call Statistics


It is an odd fact that the most phone calls on a single day each year fall on Mother’s Day.

However, the most **collect calls** of any day of each year is on Father’s Day!

Happy Father's Day.

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Name calling

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty by the judge and fined $500.

After the trial he asked the judge, “This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?” The judge said that was true.

“Does this mean I cannot call a pig ‘Mrs. Johnson’?” the man asked.

The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig ‘Mrs. Johnson’ with no fear of legal action.

The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, “Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson.”

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Parking

A certain preacher parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:

I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.’

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note:

I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.’

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Monday, June 14, 2010


Here is what a middle school kid had to say, about his experience of being truthful in the classroom.

"Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children.

So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders”.

Guess where I am now...."


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Kingdom

This story told by a German mystic named Tauler.

One day Tauler met a beggar.  "God give you a good day, my friend."

"I thank God," said the beggar, "I am never unhappy." Tauler said in amazement, "What do you mean?"

"Well," said the beggar, "when it is fine I thank God.  When it rains, I thank God.  When I am hungry, I thank God.  And, since God's will is my will, and whatever pleases him pleases me, why should I say I am unhappy when I am not?"

Tauler looked at the man in astonishment.  " Who are you? He asked.

"I am a King," said the beggar.

"Where, then, is your Kingdom?"  asked Tauler.

The beggar replied quietly,  "In my heart."

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Sunday, June 13, 2010

Interesting

In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

In New York, it is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.

In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle in Connecticut, it must bounce.

To keep any of the incarcerated beasts from picking up bad habits, the town of Manville, NJ decreed that it is illegal to feed whiskey or offer cigarettes to animals at the local zoo.

If you sell hollow logs in Tennessee, you are breaking the law.

Compulsive gamblers stay out of Richmond, VA: it is even illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for the coffee.

Don't bother the butterflies in Pacific Grove, CA unless you have an extra $500 for the offense.

The same is true for bullfrogs and cottontails in Hayden, AZ. where disturbing them in the city limits is against the law.

Have it your way, but don't share it in OK. This state forbids a person from taking a bite out of another person's hamburger.

Need a radio on Sunday? In Spokane, WA, you can buy one on the Sabbath, but forget about purchasing a television!

In the state of New York, you need a license to use a clothesline outdoors.

If any retirees from the circus are thinking about settling down and farming in NC, they are forewarned right here and now that it is against the law in this state to use elephants to plow cotton fields!

It is illegal to take more than 2 baths a month within Boston confines.

In Calgary there is a by-law that is still on the books that requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tying up horses.

In the England it is illegal to sell most goods on a Sunday, (this law is mostly ignored), it is however legal to sell a carrot. It is also legal to sell it at any price and to give free gifts with it, such as anything else one might want to buy on a Sunday!

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Getting along better

Here are few proven ways to get along better with everyone:

Before you say anything to anyone, ask yourself 3 things:
  • Is it true?
  • Is it kind?
  • Is it necessary?
Make promises sparingly and keep them faithfully.

Never miss the opportunity to compliment or say something encouraging to someone.

Refuse to talk negatively about others; don't gossip and don't listen to gossip.

Have a forgiving view of people. Believe that most people are doing the best they can.

Keep an open mind; discuss, but don't argue. (It is possible to disagree without being disagreeable.)

Forget about counting to 10. Count to 1,000 before doing or saying anything that could make matters worse.

Let your virtues speak for themselves.

If someone criticizes you, see if there is any TRUTH to what he is saying; if so, make changes. If there is no truth to the criticism, ignore it and live so that no one will believe the negative remark.

Cultivate your sense of humor; laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Do not seek so much to be consoled, as to console; do not seek so much to be understood, as to understand; do not seek so much to be loved as to love.

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