Saturday, April 17, 2010

Gorilla house


A young man was going to be house-sitting for a rich, eccentric man. The homeowner told the young man that he would have the house for 3 months, could drink and eat anything in the house, use all the electronic equipment, make long distance phone calls, have parties, swim in the pool, and on and on.

The young man was just amazed, and thinking "OH YEAH".   But finally, the man told him that the one thing he could not do was touch his gorilla.

Gorilla?  Sure enough, the man took him to the basement, through a series of doors that were locked, and more and more complicated and difficult to open, and finally, there in a huge room was a gigantic gorilla in a cage.

The young man was so stunned, and shy, he did not ask why he couldn't touch the gorilla, he just nodded his head.

The man left.  For weeks the young man had a ball.  Parties, friends, food, it just never stopped. Until, finally, it was all getting rather tiresome.  He resorted to watching TV.  Then he really got bored.  It was at this point that he decided to investigate the gorilla.  And as he opened all those doors, he decided he was going to touch the gorilla.  What could happen?

And, so, he did.  The gorilla went crazy, banged the sides of the cage, until it fell apart.  But by this time the young man was running through the house, and heard the  gorilla following him.  Finally he ran out the door, jumped in the closest car (which happened to be a nice convertible) and peeled out.

The gorilla was right behind him.  He was going 30 mph.  The gorilla was right behind him.  40 mph.  Right behind.  50 mph. Right behind.  60 mph. Right behind.  He went even faster, and the gorilla could keep up... it was so scary.

Finally, he was going just over 100 mph.  The gorilla was still right behind him and catching up!

Then he saw this big hairy arm reaching out ... coming for him.  The gorilla touched him on the shoulder and said, "Tag, .....you're it!"

.

Safe driver


A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over.

He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."

The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

.

A wise man

Richard was a wise old man, he had retired and had bought a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, quiet and contentment.

Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered.

The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally Richard decided it was time to take some action.  The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young 'percussionists' as they banged their way down the street.

Stopping them, he said, 'You kids are a lot of fun.  I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age.  Will you do me a favour?  I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing.'

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. 'This recession is really putting a big dent in my income,' he told them. 'From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.'

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and they continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, Richard, the wily retiree, approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. 'Look,' he said, 'I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?'

'Only a lousy quarter?' the drum leader exclaimed. 'If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!'

Richard, the clever old man, enjoyed peace and tranquillity for the rest of his days.

.

Why?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 (convenience store) is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here".  What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Angel Smiling



An inspirational memoir from Kate Pulsifer about her angel.
-------

Tears streamed down my face as I sat at my grandmother's funeral. My grandmother lived a very full life, and was full of energy, love, and wisdom. She always said the right thing for the situation. And, whenever we had a problem, we knew we could talk with Grandma.

As a teenager, I can remember many conversations where Grandmother would give us her worldly wisdom and she would always end up saying you have an angel smiling on you dear I know you will do the right thing. Now, here we were at her funeral, and I could almost hear her saying, the angels are smiling on us. Now, I really knew I had an angel smiling on me as I am sure Grandma was in heaven smiling down and watching out for us.

I offered to help my Mum sort through Grandma's apartment. The next few days were filled with memories, and filled with laughter, and filled with tears. As we sorted through Grandma's stuff, it brought back some wonderful memories. I was packing the last of the dishes when my mum called to me. I went into Grandma's bedroom, and my mum handed me a package with my name written on it. I opened the box and read the poem:

May this little Angel shine upon your home
Filling your days with cheer
Know that She stands on guard for you
To help you smile all year.

And Grandma had handwritten, "hang this stained glass angel in your window to remind you of your angel Kate! Love Grandma"

To this day, I have the stained glass angel hanging in my bedroom window. And, every time I look at it I can hear Grandma saying:

"You have an angel smiling on you dear, I know you will do the right thing."

.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Blessing

I've never made a fortune,
and it's probably too late now.
But I don't worry about that much,
I'm happy anyhow.

And as I go along life's way,
I'm reaping better than I sowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

Haven't got a lot of riches,
and sometimes the going's tough.
But I've got loving ones all around me,
and that makes me rich enough.

I thank God for his blessings,
and the mercies He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

I remember times when things went wrong,
My faith wore somewhat thin.
But all at once the dark clouds broke,
and the sun peeped through again.

So Lord, help me not to gripe,
about the tough rows I have hoed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

If God gives me strength and courage,
When the way grows steep and rough.
I'll not ask for other blessings,
I'm already blessed enough.

And may I never be too busy,
to help others bear their loads.
Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

When I think of how many people
in this world have it worse than I do.
I realize just how blessed most of us really are.

Author unknown

Two friends


There once was a milkman in the early 1900’s named Jack. He and his horse, Pierre, did their job every day with joy in their hearts. Jack wasn’t so bright and he couldn’t read so when people needed extra milk, they would call to Jack as he left. They would yell, “I’ll need some extra milk tomorrow!” which Jack would always reply,”To give your friends some pleasure!”

Jack and Pierre were great friends and did their job for years and years. After a while, Jack didn’t have to do much anymore because Pierre knew where and when to stop. The friends continued their job until one sad morning.

Jack came into work one day to find his boss waiting for him.

“Jack,” said his boss,”I have some sad news. This morning, Pierre died in his stall.”

Tears started to run down Jack’s face.

“It’s OK Jack,” said his boss. “He was an old horse.”

“I will never see my friend again,” said Jack tearfully.

“Yes you will. He’s laying in his stall very peacefully right now. You can see him now if you’d like.”

“You do not understand. I will never see Pierre again.”

“I understand your sadness. You may have the day off if you’d like.”

“No, I have a job to do,” and with that Jack walked off. He was given a new horse and carriage and he went off to do his job.

That day, Jack was in an accident. His carriage was hit by an automobile. When his boss heard this, he rushed down to where the accident was. When he got there he asked, “Is Jack OK?”

“No, he died in the crash,” said the doctor.

“I don’t understand,” said the driver of the automobile. “It was like he didn’t even see me!”

“That’s because he didn’t. This man has been blind for 5 years,” said the doctor.

“I never knew!” said Jack’s boss.

“He didn’t tell you?” said the doctor.

Just then, Jack’s boss remembered what Jack said about Pierre. “No, but someone else knew. “

“Who?” asked the doctor.

“A friend of Jack’s. His name was Pierre. I think that it was just a little secret between friends.”

.

Life Lessons


Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

.

Friendship oath

When you are sad,
I will dry your tears,
When you are scared,
I will comfort your fears

When you are worried,
I will give you hope.
When you are confused,
I will help you cope.

And when you are lost,
And can't see the light
I shall be your beacon
Shinning ever so bright.

This is my oath.
I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask?
Because you're my friend.

Author Unknown

Another simple gesture

A true story that took place in St. Paul, Minnesota, about 15 years ago.
--

The old man shuffled slowly into the restaurant. With head tilted, and shoulders bent forward, he leaned on his trusty cane with each unhurried step. His tattered cloth jacket, patched trousers, worn out shoes, and warm personality made him stand out from the usual Saturday morning breakfast crowd. Unforgettable were his pale blue eyes that sparkled like diamonds, large rosy cheeks, and thin lips held in a tight, steady smile.

He stopped, turned with his whole body, and winked at a little girl seated by the door. She flashed a big grin right back at him. A young waitress named Mary watched him shuffle toward a table by the window. Mary ran over to him, and said, "Here, Sir. Let me give you a hand with that chair."

Without saying a word, he smiled and nodded a thank you. She pulled the chair away from the table. Steadying him with one arm, she helped him move in front of the chair, and get comfortably seated. Then she scooted the table up close to him, and leaned his cane against the table where he could reach it.

In a soft, clear voice he said, "Thank you, Miss. And bless you for your kind gestures."

"You're welcome, Sir." She replied. "And my name is Mary. I'll be back in a moment, and if you need anything at all in the mean time, just wave at me!"

After he had finished a hearty meal of pancakes, bacon, and hot lemon tea, Mary brought him the change from his ticket. He left it lay. She helped him up from his chair, and out from behind the table. She handed him his cane, and walked with him to the front door.

Holding the door open for him, she said, "Come back and see us, Sir!"

He turned with his whole body, winked a smile, and nodded a thank you. "You are very kind." he said softly.

When Mary went to clean his table, she almost fainted. Under his plate she found a business card, and a note scribbled on a napkin. Under the napkin was a one hundred dollar bill.

The note on the napkin read:

"Dear Mary, I respect you very much, and you respect yourself too. It shows by the way you treat others. You have found the secret of happiness. Your kind gestures will shine through those who meet you."

The man she had waited on was the owner of the restaurant where she worked. This was the first time that she, or any of his employees had ever seen him in person.

.
Credits: Steve Brunkhorst

Simple gesture

A little boy selling magazines for school walked up to a house that people rarely visited. The house was very old and run down and the owner hardly ever came out. When he did come out he would not say hello to neighbors or passers by but simply just glare at them. The boy knocked on the door and waited, sweating from fear of the old man. The boy's parents told him to stay away from the house, a lot of the other neighborhood children were told the same from their parents.

The boy knocked on the door and waited, sweating from fear of the old man. The boy's parents told him to stay away from the house, a lot of the other neighborhood children were told the same from their parents.
As he was ready to walk away, the door slowly opened. "What do you want?" the old man said. The little boy was very afraid but he had a quota to meet for school with selling the magazines.

"Uh, sir, I uh am selling these magazines and uh I was wondering if you would like to buy one." The old man just stared at the boy. The boy could see inside the old man's house and saw that he had dog figurines on the fireplace mantle. "Do you collect dogs?" the little boy asked. "Yes, I have many collectibles in my house, they are my family here, they are all I have." The boy then felt sorry for the man, as it seemed that he was a very lonely soul. "Well, I do have a magazine here for collectors, it is perfect for you, I also have one about dogs since you like dogs so much." The old man was ready to close the door on the boy and said, "No boy, I don't need any magazines of any kind, now goodbye."

The little boy was sad that he was not going to make his quota with the sale. He was also sad for the old man being so alone in the big house that he owned. The boy went home and then had an idea. He had a little dog figure that he got some years ago from an aunt. The figurine did not mean nearly as much to him since he had a real live dog and a large family. The boy headed back down to the old man's house with the figurine. He knocked on the door again and this time the old man came right to the door. "Boy, I thought I told you no magazines."

"No, sir I know that, I wanted to bring you a gift." The boy handed him the figurine and the old man's face lit up. "It is a Golden Retriever, I have one at home, this one is for you." The old man was simply stunned; no one had ever given him such a gift and shown him so much kindness. "Boy, you have a big heart, why are you doing this?" The boy smiled at the man and said, "Because you like dogs."

From that day on the old man started coming out of the house and acknowledging people. He and the boy became friends; the boy even brought his dog to see the man weekly.

This simple gesture changed both of their lives forever.

.

April 18th

Hope you all enjoyed your Sunday school break for last few weeks.  We are in our last leg of wrapping up the Sunday school year.  You must be excited that soon you all are going to be in the 11th Grade Class.  From there, into the 12th Grade class, and finally - No more Sunday school!!

Coming back to our current 10th grade class,

On April 18th, we will have rest of our CARS project presentation. We shall also discuss the Shroud of Turin and related info.

For our class on April 25th, details here.

On May 2nd, we are supposed to have our final exams.  In our classes on April 18th and 25th, we shall discuss about our final exams.  I want all of you to move on to the next class, and do not plan to hold back anybody.  You will certainly be able to do well in the exams if you follow instructions that are given out on April 18th and 25th.

.

I care

When you think you're alone
In the middle of the night,
When you've just had an awful dream
And you're shivering with fright,
You lie there alone and scared
And wonder if anyone cares.
If you look into your heart
You'll always find Me there.
Sometimes life is just too hard
And you need to get away.
You need someone to talk to
Who will listen to what you say,
Someone who will let you know
That they'll always be there.
When you can't find anyone
Just remember that I care.
When there is nowhere else to go
You can always come to Me
I promise that I'll be there
In your greatest hour of need.
I'm sure you can find Me
If you take the time for prayer.
When the whole world seems to hate you
Just remember that I care.

Author: Unknown

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Timing



Didn't understand anything from the picture above?

Looks like this takes place somewhere in Europe.  Police is getting ready to tow away a Hearse (funeral car or funeral limousine) that was parked outside a building.

Notice the group of men in suits carrying a casket on their shoulders and approaching the Hearse.

Click on the picture to see it enlarged.

.

New terminology



.

Car features

In order to boost car sales, a  female engineer at Toyota came up with these feminine-features in a car:

- Turn signals that are able to change their mind at the last minute.

- A satellite tracking system that can locate, on command, all shopping malls within 500 miles.

- A dashboard voice console that's programmed to ask strangers for directions.

- Driver side mirrors that make the driver appear slimmer than she actually is.

.

Fishing







.

Church elections

After the annual election season, three pastors got together and had the following conversation:


The Methodist minister said, "The elections worked out great for us! Due to the newly elected officers, we gained four new families."

The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families."

The Catholic pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our ten biggest trouble makers!"

.

Seasons


There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said, “no – it was covered with green buds and full of promise”. The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree’s life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it’s winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Moral: Don’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don’t judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Be positive

Here is an article I came across that I want to share with you. Don't know who the author is, but hey - it's worth reading. 

--
If you are really feeling low, there is no way you can just jump to a total positive outlook. It just doesn´t happen like that. But there is a way - taking small steps, learning new ways of thinking, little by little. It is a process that is never done, you are never ready. But if you take it as a way of life and are gentle with yourself, only expecting to find ways to feel a little better, one day you´ll notice you have profoundly changed your thinking.

We all have gone through many very unpleasant phases of life - but with the positive attitude we will walk through them and eventually find out that all those phases were blessings in disguise.

By reading inspirational short stories we develop a more positive attitude.  Pick the ones you like best - always listen what feels good within and follow that feeling. No need to tell anyone you are using them - it may even be that when you start developing a positive attitude, it may feel like a threat to others, especially if they have learned to live their lives in a constant negative self talk.

Still - when you start your journey of positive thinking, you shall meet wonderful new people with whom you can share positive attitude tips from your heart´s content. And that´s really what makes the whole journey so much fun. We are here for each other.

I really hope these tips work for you!

.

Smile


  ~SMILE~SMILE~SMILE~SMILE~

~SMILE~SMILE~SMILE~

~SMILE~SMILE~

~SMILE~









~ALL THE REASONS IN THE WORLD TO SMILE~








                                









~IF YOU WERE'NT SMILING BEFORE, WELL YOU SHOULD BE NOW!!!~



~SMILE AND THE WORLD WILL SMILE WITH YOU~

~AND IF YOU ARE'NT, WELL YOU JUST SCROLL DOWN AND SEE WHAT I'LL DO TO YOU!!!~





































~Yes..Keep coming...Thats the way~



















~Nearly there....~














~YOU SMILING YET!!! WELL YOU BETTER HURRY UP.....CAUSE YOU ARE JUST ABOUT TO BE..






































~TICKLED...ALL OVER ..HEHEHEHEHHEHEHE~






~TICKLE TICKLE TICKLE HEHEHEHHEHEH LOL LOL LOL LOL TICKLE TICKLE


~Well surely you are laughing, smiling or just shaking your head now..LOL...well as long as I got some reaction 
:-)