Saturday, April 3, 2010

Back to normal

Class-

For most of you, this must have been a super-hectic week at Church. I saw and met you all almost everyday and am sure you will be rewarded spiritually accordingly.

Some of us also got to spend time watching over 'the tomb of Jesus', where He was buried.

Well, from now on, things should be back to normal.

Happy Easter.

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Thursday, April 1, 2010

Good Friday


Good Friday, Holy Friday, Great Friday or Black Friday is the most solemn day for Christians - it is the day on which Jesus Christ died on the cross. Good Friday is a day of mourning, and all the ceremonies and rituals of the day in our church are centered on the feeling of sorrow, the pain and humiliation that Jesus underwent for every one of us.

Good Friday is devoted to fasting and prayer, as a way of following the example of Jesus, who stressed the role of prayer in the struggle to conquer evil. Our church service consists of numerous songs, prayers and readings from the Bible. We pray before the wooden cross and kiss it. Jesus is believed to have died on the cross at three in the afternoon.

The message of Good Friday is that the old adage of "an eye for an eye" should not be practiced; but the way to conquer evil is through goodness, non-violence and love.

We carry out the burial ritual of cross representing Jesus on the Thronos, with curtain closed.  The actual burial of the cross is done under the 'Thronos' - to commemorate Jesus buried in a tomb.  Once buried, that whole area is sealed off, and deacons are not allowed to walk behind the Thronos.  On Sunday, the same cross is removed early in the morning, to announce the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

In our church, most mourners wear black and enact the Passion of Christ.  If you attend the Good Friday service (which begins at 9:00 AM), and sing those songs, you will notice your spirituality getting higher and you feel one step closer to God by the end of the service.


Days till Easter = 2

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Emergency Numbers

When in sorrow, …………call John 14.
When men fail you, …………call Psalm 27.
If you want to be fruitful,…………call John 15.
When you have sinned, ………… call Psalm 51.
When you worry, …………call Matthew 6:19-34.
When you are in danger, …………call Psalm 91.
When God seems far away, ………… call Psalm 139.
When your faith needs stirring, ………… call Hebrews 11.
When you are lonely and fearful, …………call Psalm 23.
When you grow bitter and critical, …………call I Corinthians 13.
For Paul’s secret to happiness, ………… call Colossians 3:12-17.
For understanding of Christianity,…………call II Corinthians 5:15-19.
When you feel down and out, …………call Romans 8:31.
When you want peace and rest, ………… call Matthew 11:25-30.
When the world seems bigger than God, ………… call Psalm 90.
When you want Christian assurance, …………call Romans 8:1-30.
When you leave home for labor or travel,………… call Psalm 121.
When your prayers grow narrow or selfish,………… call Psalm 67.
For a great invention/opportunity, ………… call Isaiah 55.
When you want courage for a task, …………call Joshua 1.
For how to get along with fellow men, ………… call Romans 12.
When you think of investments and returns,…………call Mark 10.
If you are depressed, …………call Psalm 27.
If your pocketbook is empty, ………… call Psalm 37.
If you are losing confidence in people, …………call I Corinthians 13.
If people seem unkind, …………call John 15.
If discouraged about your work, ………… call Psalm 126.
If you find the world growing small and yourself great, …. call Psalm 19.

Alternate numbers:
For dealing with fear, …………………………call Psalm 34:7.
For security, ………………………………… call Psalm 121:3.
For assurance, ………………………………..call Mark 8:35.
For reassurance, ……………………………...call Psalm 145:18.

Emergency numbers may be dialed direct. No operator assistance is necessary.

All lines to Heaven are open 24 hours a day!

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Science and Bible


THE BIBLE
SCIENCE NOW
SCIENCE THEN
The earth is a sphere
(Isaiah 40:22).
The earth is a sphereThe earth was a flat disk.
Incalculable number of stars
(Jeremiah 33:22).
Incalculable number of starsOnly 1,100 stars.
Free float of earth in space
(Job 26:7).
Free float of earth in space.Earth sat on a large animal.
Creation made of invisible
elements (Hebrews 11:3).
Creation made of invisible
elements (atoms).
Science was ignorant on
the subject.
Each star is different
(1 Corinthians 15:41).
Each star is different.All stars were the same.
Light moves
(Job 38:19,20).
Light moves.Light was fixed in place.
Air has weight
(Job 28:25).
Air has weight.Air was weightless.
Winds blow in cyclones
(Ecclesiastes 1:6).
Winds blow in cyclones.Winds blew straight.
Blood is the source of life
and health
(Leviticus 17:11).
Blood is the source of life
and health.
Sick people must be bled.
Ocean floor contains deep
valleys and mountains
(2 Samuel 22:16;
Jonah 2:6).
Ocean floor contains deep
valleys and mountains.
The ocean floor was flat.
Ocean contains springs
(Job 38:16).
Ocean contains springs.Ocean fed only by rivers
and rain.
When dealing with disease,
hands should be washed
under running water
(Leviticus 15:13).
When dealing with disease,
hands should be washed
under running water.
Hands washed in still water.


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Nothing to fear

Years ago a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops. As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received nothing but refusals. Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer.

“Are you a good farm hand?” the farmer asked him.

“Well, I can sleep when the wind blows,” answered the little man.

Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man’s work.

Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand’s sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, “Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!” The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, “No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows.”

Enraged by the old man’s response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm. To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down. Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, and he returned to bed to also sleep while the wind blew.

The Moral of The Story : When you’re prepared, you have nothing to fear.

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April Fool


.... and you readers thought there won't be any updates today - Fooled ya.... 

Happy April Fools Day!!

:-)

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Faith


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Secret to success

It’s an undeniable fact that though we could lead a well planned life, unexpected things do creep in often. In situations like this, if not careful, it can open us to much pressure and confusion.

Let's look at how Jesus successfully managed His life in spite of a busy schedule. He was given the most important mission our planet has ever witnessed and He had to complete it within a very short time. One of the keys for His successful life-management was prayer.  Jesus had the habit of spending quality time in prayer.

Prayer is fellowshipping with God. It is spending time with God. The Bible, in multiple places, shows Jesus spending time in prayer, especially in the early morning and late night hours. It was this rich communion with the Father that enabled Jesus to successfully accomplish His mission on a day-to-day basis. His prayer life helped Him do the right thing at the right time.

Think - If Jesus, who was fully divine, had daily fellowship with God, how much more time do we mortals need to spend time with God the Father, fellowshipping with Him and receiving guidance from Him.

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Easter Colors

1 - RED: this color is associated with the blood that Jesus Christ had shed for mankind. Thus the color red is a symbol of love and sacrifice for goodness of humanity.

2 - WHITE: this Easter color signifies purity and grace.

3 - GREEN: the color brings ray of hope. Green is the color of grass.

4 - PURPLE: Easter color purple is indicative of royalty. It is said that the color purple brings wealth.

5 - YELLOW: it is the color that is related to the brightness of sun. It’s a color that brings joy and happiness.

6 - BLACK: it is the color that indicates the evil side.

7 - ORANGE:this color represents hope. It is associated with the dawn of day.

8 - PINK: Easter colour pink indicates fresh beginning.



Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Happy Easter to you


The growing trees, the new flowers
And birds that sweetly sing
Whisper to me that it’s Easter
Here is wishing warmth for your soul
On Easter and always!
Happy Easter

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Update - Mar 31



Our church celebrates the Passover as well as remembers the Last Supper today evening.

On Friday, we hold the Good Friday Mass - to remember the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.

On Saturday, we remember all departed souls.

On Sunday, we celebrate the Easter.

May your spirituality get you closer with God this week, and I wish you a very Happy and Peaceful Easter.

Days till Easter: 3.

Note: I will have limited or no internet access from today afternoon until Sunday evening.  Hence, I will be unable to post anything here till Monday morning.  To fill in that void, I have posted few additional posts this week for you to read.

The solution to the puzzle is posted as comments on that page. 

Passover - OT

About 3000 years ago the Israelites were enslaved by the Egyptians under the rule of the Pharaoh Ramses II. According to the Book of Exodus - Moses, a simple Jewish shepherd, was instructed by God to go to the pharaoh and demand the freedom of his people.

Moses' plea of let my people go was ignored. Moses warned the Pharaoh that God would send severe punishments to the people of Egypt if the Israelites were not freed. Again the Pharaoh ignored Moses' request of freedom. In response God unleashed a series of 10 terrible plagues on the people of Egypt:

Blood
Frogs
Lice (vermin)
Wild Beasts(flies)
Blight (Cattle Disease)
Boils
Hail
Locusts
Darkness
Slaying of the First Born


The Pharaoh was unconvinced and refused to free the Jewish slaves - until the last plague

When the Pharaoh finally agreed to freedom, the Israelites left their homes so quickly that there wasn't even time to bake their breads. So they packed the raw dough to take with them on their journey. As they fled through the desert they would quickly bake the dough in the hot sun into hard crackers called matzohs. Today to commemorate this event, Jews eat matzoh in place of bread during Passover.

The Last Supper in a nutshell




Jesus had followers.
These followers were called apostles.
Jesus and his apostles were eating dinner.
Jesus knew it was for the last time.
Jesus knew what was going to happen but his apostles didn't.
At dinner, Jesus took some bread, gave thanks for it, and he broke it.
He gave it to his apostles and said, "This is my body."
Jesus asked his apostles to do this in memory of him.
After dinner was over he took the cup of wine.
He gave thanks and handed it to his apostles.
"Drink this.  This is my blood which will be shed for you," Jesus said.
Jesus promised the apostles that all sins would be forgiven.

The power of attitude

When my brother and I we were children we spent a few weeks each summer in the countryside. Our childless uncle owned a big house there and didn´t mind having children around, so of course our parents were happy to loan us for a few days at a time.


Our uncle was a geologist and loved to go on long walks to find stones to his collection at the university. More often than not we followed him. He had a housekeeper who could cook like an angel and always gave uncle a big basket full of good food for those trips. We didn´t mind sharing the goodies so we eagerly waited for those excursions.

One day we left early and this time uncle had bought us backpacks.

-- You can help me carry the samples, he explained.


Sure, why not. The whole day we then walked around the countryside and every now and again uncle put stones in our bags. We were a bit surprised he also took some stones out from our bags at times, but figured he had just found better samples than the ones we already had.

Still, when we reached the house in late afternoon, we were beat. The backpacks were so heavy we gave a big sigh of relief when we thumped them on the porch. Yet uncle´s backpack was half empty.

- Why did you give us so many stones? we asked.

- I didn´t. You did, he said cryptically.

He waited for a while before continuing:

- You did not know it, but I made you go through a little attitude test today.

- What do you mean with attitude test? we wanted to know.

- It is something someone once did to me - and I shall always remember it. You see I listened to every word you said. And when ever you were complaining about anyone or anything, I added a stone to your bags. And when ever you talked about something in an attitude of gratitude and positive thinking, I took off a stone. And now look at your backpacks.

We did. They were almost bursting at their seams.

- I hope you remember this little attitude test. You see your negative thoughts are like stones. You carry them on in your mind just like those stones in a backbag. The more negative thoughts, the heavier your mind is. A positive thought, however, cancels a negative one. So look at those bags and start paying attention to what you say and how you say it.

This little lesson was one of the most important I ever had and I remember uncle with great love for teaching us one of the most important lessons in life - the power of attitude.

Maundy Thursday



The night of Maundy Thursday is the night on which Jesus was betrayed by Judas in the Garden of Gethsemane.  Our church celebrates it today evening.

The name ‘Maundy’ is derived from the Latin word “mandatum”, meaning a commandment. Jesus Christ, at the Last Supper, commanded: – ‘And now I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.’

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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Why worry?


- 40% will never happen, for anxiety is the result of a tired mind,
- 30% concerns old decisions which cannot be altered,
- 12% centers in criticism, mostly untrue, made by people who feel inferior,
- 10% is related to my health which worsens while I worry,
and only
- 8% is "legitimate," showing that life does have real problems which may be met head-on when I have eliminated senseless worries.

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Worries



Winston Churchill once said, "When I look back on all these worries I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which never happened."


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Peace


There once was a King who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace.

Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked, and he had to choose between them.

One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for the peaceful towering mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.

The second picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell, and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all.

But when the King looked further, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the plant a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest… a picture of perfect peace.

Which picture won the prize? The King chose the second picture.

Why? “Because,” explained the King, “peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your spirit. That is the real meaning of peace.”

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The seed


In the Far East, the emperor was growing old and knew it was time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or his children, he decided to do something different. He called young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, “It is time for me to step down and choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you.”

The children were shocked, but the emperor continued. “I am going to give each one of you a seed today – one very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next emperor.”

One boy, named Ling, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his mother the story. She helped him get a pot and planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it, carefully. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown.. After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Ling kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Ling didn’t have a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went by — still nothing in Ling’s pot.

He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn’t say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow. A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But his mother asked him to be honest about what happened.

Ling felt sick at his stomach, but he knew his mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace. When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other youths. They were beautiful — in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other children laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, “Hey, nice try.”

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown,” said the emperor. “Today one of you will be appointed the next emperor!”

All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. He thought, “The emperor knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!”

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. “My name is Ling,” he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, “Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!”

Ling couldn’t believe it. Ling couldn’t even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds that would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he Is the one who will be the new emperor!”




If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory.
If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
If you plant faith, you will reap miracles.

Go for it

Decided to go for ‘it’ ?  Here are some tips which would really help you.

Maybe you would…

1. Prepare – ahead of time. Not last minute. It took noah awhile to build the ark, wouldn’t have worked to start building it when it started raining

2. Wait for the right conditions – GOD opens the door, His timing is the perfect timing.

3. Have support – prayer support, and scripture that lines up in agreement with our actions.

Then you could…

4. Be confident – know that God has gone before you. It is He who actually puts the desire in you, as well as helps you perform it and He will have gone ahead of you: (Phil. 2:13 it is God who works in you, (both) to will and to act according to his good purpose. )

And then…

5. Go for it – after all, God will have gone ahead of you (Deut. 31:6). So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

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Faith

Sometimes I ask the question, “My Lord, is this your will?”
It’s then I hear you answer me, “My Precious Child … be still.”

Sometimes I feel frustrated, cause I think I know what’s best.
It’s then I hear you say to me, “My Busy Child … just rest”

Sometimes I feel so lonely and I think I’d like a mate.
Your still small voice gets oh so clear and says, “My Child … please wait”

“I know the plans I have for you, the wondrous things you’ll see;
If you can just be patient, Child, and put your trust in me.

I’ve plans to draw you closer. I’ve plans to help you grow.
There’s much I do you cannot see and much you do not know.

But know This, Child ….. I LOVE YOU. You are Precious unto Me.
Before I formed you in the womb, I planned your destiny.

I’ve something very special I hope for you to learn.
The gifts I wish to give to you are gifts you cannot earn.

They come without a price tag, but not without a cost;
At Calvary, I gave My Son, so You would not be lost.

Rest Child, and do not weary of doing what is good.
I promise I’ll come back for you just like I said I would.

Your name is written on my palm, I never could forget;
Therefore, do not be discouraged when my answer is… “Not Yet”

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Look up


The Buzzard:
If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.

The Bat:
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.

The Bumblebee:
A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.

People:
In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up! That’s the answer, the escape route and the solution to any problem! Just look up!

Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, but faith looks up!

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Temporary

Everything in life is temporary

Darkness of the night or brightness of the day.

Even sunrise is temporary. And so is sunset.

If things are going bad, it won’t last forever.

And remember the everlasting joy that comes from the Lord.

May the flame in your heart keep you warm during those cold nights.

Everything just passes by, but the Love of God remains!!!

Every morning leave your worries by the curbside because that’s where they pick up the garbage.

Have a beautiful day!

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Where does God dwell?


“Where can I go to find God?” This has been the question mortals have asked ever since they were driven from the garden and their daily walks with God in “the cool of the day”. Nations have had wars over this question. Families have been split over this question. People have spent countless amounts of money to go on pilgrimages to answer this question.

Yet in this one passage, Paul reminds us of an inestimable grace: God lives in his people, but we often forget it.

God chooses to come and live among people who offer themselves to him as followers of Jesus. That makes each individual God's sacred dwelling space.

IF you ever get this feeling to find God, maybe not right now but many many years from now, look nowhere else but within yourself and you WILL find God.

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The lily and bluebird


Once upon a time there was a beautiful lily. This lily had a bluebird friend who used to perch on a nearby fencepost and visit with her nearly every day. Together they enjoyed observing the rancher and his family who owned the place here they lived. They watched as, day after day, the rancher and his family worked tirelessly.

Though their ranch was profitable and their hard work admirable, the conversation the friends overheard and the things they observed were curious to the pair. It seemed the more profitable the ranch became, the more the family thought they needed.

The bluebird made an observational flight over the rancher’s domain, “You know, lily,” he said upon his return, “All their hard work is really paying off. They have increased and improved this place substantially in the last few years.”

“I know,” replied the lily, “But have you also noticed that along with their increase they have less and less time for each other. They have all but quit going to church, and I hear them arguing more and more. And come to think of it,” she observed, “I used to see the farmer and his wife taking long walks. Sometimes they walked together, hand in hand and at other times I used to see each of them taking time out of their busy days for a stroll alone in the woods, talking with the
Lord. Nowadays however, they are too busy for that.”

The bluebird chimed in, “Now they’ve turned the management of the farm over to the farmhands and have both taken jobs in the city in order to earn even more money so they can keep up the possessions they already have.”

“Yes, and they’ve also bought a second home in Florida so they can have a nice warm place to live when it gets too cold here,” said the lily.

The bluebird heaved a mournful sigh, “Lily,” he said, “When the rancher and his family went to church, do you think they heard how the Heavenly Father told them to take a close look at you and me and to observe the secret of simplicity in how He takes care of His creatures? It seems to me they are complicating their lives instead of making them better.

To all this, the beautiful lily replied, “Why is it that people go to school and study textbooks and learn many great things, yet they aren’t smart enough to read God’s textbook on life and apply it?”

“Yeah,” said the bluebird, “Then they too could fly and be free.”


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Monday, March 29, 2010

Barbie


One day while driving home when man realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her anything. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a shopping mall. Knowing that it was 'now or never', he pulled his car through three lanes of traffic, found a parking spot and ran into the mall.

After a frantic search he finds a toy store, he went inside and got the attention of the shop assistant. When asked what he'd like, he simply said, "A Barbie Doll".

The shop assistant looked at him in a condescending manner and asked, "So Sir, which Barbie would that be?"

The man looked surprised, so the assistant continued, "We have Barbie Goes To the Ball at $19.99, Barbie goes Shopping at $19.99, Barbie goes Clubbing at $19.99, Barbie Goes To The Gym at $19.99, Cyber Barbie at $19.99 and Divorced Barbie at $249.99."

The man couldn't help himself and asked, "why is a Divorced Barbie $249.99 when all those other Barbies are selling for $19.99???"

"Well Sir, that's quite obvious!" said the assistant, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture ...."

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At Church

Next time you are at church, listen carefully.  You could hear statements like these:

Wife to Husband: “I think the Pastor is on a diet. He kept mumbling about being good low-carb Christians, and not partaking of the forbidden fruit.”

Assistant Pastor to Pastor: “It was tough to keep their attention during the service, but you kept them awake. Many have yawned, but few are dozin’.”

Boy to Mother: “Pastor is NOT a man of the cloth. I saw him use the electric hand dryer.”

Two little girls: “I know why the Reverend told us to do some sole searching. I checked mine and found gum, tape and a squished bug. Gross.”

Youth Pastor to teens: “I have compiled a list of items you cannot bring on the overnight camping trip. I’m calling them the Tent Commandments.”

Teen to Youth Pastor: “Are sins of omission the sins I should have committed but didn’t?”

Son to his parents: “I am NOT going to church on Easter. Pastor is going to throw eggs at all of us. He already said his message is ‘Take my yoke upon you.’”

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These people

A man fell into an upholstery machine. Fortunately, he’s fully recovered now.

A butcher backed into the sausage grinder and got a little behind in his work.

An optician fell into the lens-grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

A fellow drove his car into a river in Paris and went in Seine.

A poet locked himself in a church steeple to get inspired.

A mathematician turned off his furnace this winter because he wanted to be cold and calculating.

A fellow had kleptomania, but when it got bad he took something for it.

A Baskin Robbins worker wanted to learn how to make ice-cream, so started attending sundae school.

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Man of the house

Read in the paper about a fellow who had just finished reading a new book entitled, ‘YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE’. He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced:

“From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

The wife replied, “My first guess would be the funeral director.”

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Tough teacher

A school teacher injured his back over spring break and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.

On the first day after break, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself in his classroom of the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest about ten times.

After noticing the entire class sit there with their jaw dropped, he thought, "I don’t think discipline will be a problem for the rest of the school year!"

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Murder - puzzle

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

What is her motive for killing her sister?



Check back tomorrow evening to compare your answer.

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Chocolates for Chocoholics


1: Never be more than 12-steps from chocolate

2: If you get chocolate on your hands when you eat it, you are eating it too slowly

3: If you ever utter that filthy word “exercise”, immediately wash your mouth out with chocolate

4: Realize that it takes little strength to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands, but great strength to eat just one of the pieces.

5: Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, chocolate is therapeutic.

6: Being a friend is good, but what is better is a good friend with chocolate.

7: I don’t understand why so many “so called” chocolate lovers complain about the calories in chocolate, when all true chocoholics know that it is a vegetable. It comes from the cocoa bean, beans are veggies - enough said.

8: Support the theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?

9: Put “Eat Chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

10: If dieting, eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.

11: If not for chocolate, there would be no need for certain under garments.  An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can’t let that happen, can you?

12: You can always give up chocolate, but God doesn’t like quitters.

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Passover

How did Passover get its name?

Since the Seder table is usually made larger, people can’t reach for the items on the table and invariably ask others: “Could you please Pass Over the matzos . . .”



Mazto is a cracker-like unleavened bread made of white flour and water.

Commandments

This is a little known story about how God came to give the Jews the Ten Commandments.

God first went to the Barbarians and asked them if they would like a commandment.
“What’s a commandment?” they asked.
“Well, it’s like, THOU SHALT NOT MURDER,” replied God.
The Barbarians thought about it and then said, “No way, that would ruin our entire week.”

So then God went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, “What’s a commandment?”
“Well,” said God, “It’s like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.”
The Assyrians immediately replied, “No way. That would ruin our economy.”

So finally God went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment.
They asked, “How much?”
God said, “They’re free.”
The Jews said, “Great! We’ll take TEN!”

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Repaint

Jock, the painter, often would thin his paint so it would go further. So when the Church decided to do some deferred maintenance, Jock was able to put in the low bid, and got the job. As always, he thinned his paint way down with turpentine.

One day while he was up on the scaffolding -- the job almost finished -- he heard a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened.

The downpour washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked Jock off his scaffold and onto the lawn among the gravestones and puddles of thinned and worthless paint.

Jock knew this was a warning from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: “Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice: “REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!”



(If you did not get it, read out loud the last sentence loud couple of times).

Majority vote

A priest was having trouble with his congregation. It seemed they could agree upon nothing. The secretary of the congregation said, "Priest, this cannot be allowed to continue. There must be a committee meeting and we must settle all areas of dispute once and for all."

The priest agreed. At the appointed time, therefore, the priest, the secretary, and ten other committee members met in the committee room of the church, sitting about a magnificent mahogany table. One by one the issues were dealt with and on each issue, it became more and more apparent that the priest was a lonely voice in the wilderness.

The secretary of the church said, "Come on priest, enough of this. Let us vote and allow the majority to rule." He passed out the slips of paper and each committee member made his mark. The slips were collected and the secretary said, "You may examine them, priest. It is eleven to one against you. We have the majority."

At this point, the priest rose to his feet in offended majesty. "So," he said, "you now think because of the vote that you are right and I am wrong. Well, that is not so. I stand here" - and he raised his arms impressively- "and call upon the God Almighty to give us a sign that I am right and this secretary and these committee members are wrong."

And as he said this, there came a frightful crack of thunder and a brilliant flash of lightning that struck the mahogany table and cracked it in two. The room was filled with smoke and fumes, and the secretary and the committee members were hurled to the floor. Through the carnage, the priest remained erect and untouched, his eyes flashing and a grim smile on his face.

Slowly, the secretary lifted himself above what was left of the table. His hair was singed, his glasses were hanging from one ear, his clothing was in disarray. Finally he said, "All right, eleven to two. But we still have the majority."

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Noah's anger



Noah was taking the animals into the ark in pairs as he had been commanded by God. He took in elephants, giraffes, cows, bears, monkeys and all the animals. Finally he tried to take in a donkey.

He told the donkey to go in but the donkey would not go in. He tried pushing the donkey in but the donkey would not move. He tried pulling the donkey in but the donkey would not move. As he was getting exasperated he said to the donkey, "Get in you devil". Eventually after many more attempts he succeeded in enticing the donkey into the ark.

However when Noah was inside in the ark he also noticed that there was a devil in the ark. He asked the devil how did you get in here and he replied, "You told me to get in".

Moral: When we are angry we say all sorts of things that we are sorry for afterwards.


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The perfect pastor


Every church is looking of the 'perfect pastor'.  Here is a letter I came across. You are supposed to forward it to your friends for this to work!!
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The perfect pastor preaches exactly 10 minutes.

He condemns sin roundly but never hurts anyone’s feelings.

He works from 8am until midnight and is also the church janitor.

The perfect pastor makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates $30 a week to the church.

He is 29 years old and has 40 years experience.

Above all, he is handsome.

The perfect pastor has a burning desire to work with teenagers, and he spends most of his time with the senior citizens.

He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his church.

He makes 15 home visits a day and is always in his office to be handy when needed.

The perfect pastor always has time for church council and all of its committees.

He never misses the meeting of any church organization  and is always busy evangelizing the unchurched.

The perfect pastor is always in the next church over!

If your pastor does not measure up, simply send this notice to six other churches that are tired of their pastor, too.

Then bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of the list.

If everyone cooperates, in one week you will receive 1,643 pastors.

One of them should be perfect.

Have faith in this letter. One church broke the chain and got its old pastor back in less than three months.

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Have you found Jesus?

A man who was lost stumbled across a Baptism service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeded to stumble down into the water and stand next to the Minister. The Minister turned, noticed the man and said,

“Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?”

The man looked back and said, “Yes sir, I am.”

The Minister then dunked the fellow under the water and pulled him right back up.

“Have you found Jesus?” the Minister asked.

“No, I didn’t!” said the man.

The Minister then dunked him under for a quite a bit longer, brought him up and said, “Now brother, have you found Jesus?”

“No, I did not!” said the man again.

Disgusted, the Minister held the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brought him up and demanded, “For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?”

The man wiped his eyes and pleaded, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

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Countdown

Slightly different from our Easter egg hunt, here is something that appealed to me which I came across, that could be done at Sunday school to keep kids occupied.
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Using 12 plastic eggs that can be opened and filled, either you give a basket with all 12 eggs (label each with the number of the day, i.e. Day 12, Day 11) or give one egg each day to be opened. (Day 1 is "Easter Day", so start 11 days before Easter with "Day 12")

Day 12 = Place a cracker or small piece of cracker inside the first egg with a slip of paper explaining how this symbolizes the bread & wine of the Last Supper.

Day 11 = Place 3 dimes to symbolize the "30 pieces of silver" that Judas received to betray Jesus.

Day 10 = Place a toy soldier or picture of a soldier to symbolize the soldier who arrested Jesus.

Day 9 = Place a "feather" to symbolize the cock rooster that crowed 3 times.

Day 8 = Place a die or a couple of dice to symbolize the "lots that were cast" for Jesus' clothing.

Day 7 = Place a "thorn" in to symbolize the "crown of thorns" that Jesus wore. (taken off a rose bush is fine)

Day 6 = Place a "sponge" in to symbolize the sponge that was dipped in vinegar when Jesus said, "I thirst".

Day 5 = Place a "piece of cloth" in to symbolize the cloth that Joseph wrapped the body of Jesus in.

Day 4 = Place a "piece of black paper or black cloth" into the egg to symbolize the "shadow of darkness" that covered the Earth.

Day 3 = Place a "cross" inside to symbolize the cross on which Jesus was crucified.

Day 2 = Place a "rock" inside the egg to symbolize the stone that was rolled away.

Day 1 = EASTER MORNING! This egg will be "empty" to symbolize the tomb that was empty, that Jesus was "risen" !!

Appropriate Bible verses written on a piece of paper and placed inside each egg could be even better!!


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Staying focused

Once upon a time a particular government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night, so they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How can the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two people: one person to write the instructions and another person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control position and hired two people, one to do the studies and another to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions - a time keeper and a payroll officer - and hired two more people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be responsible for all of these people?" So they created an administrative position and hired three people: an Admin. Officer, an Assistant Admin Officer and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget so we must cut back our cost." So they laid off the night watchman.

We make fun of our politicians for doing such things, but perhaps we should take a look at ourselves and see if we are guilty of doing the same thing spiritually.

At the very core of our Christianity is our relationship with God. We want to improve that relationship, and so we look around for things that will help. We attend church, Sunday school, lectures, and retreats.  We get excited about bringing in an "expert" to listen to.  We read books, listen to tapes, hold competitions and camps.  If we're not careful, our Christianity can become focused on all those things and, ironically, the one thing which may get neglected in the process is our relationship with God.


Credits: Alan Smith
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Two friends

Two friends crossed paths early one Sunday morning and Fred said, "come on, John. Let's go fishing." John said, "No, I can't. I'm going to church."

Again, Fred said, "Come on. Grab your fishing pole. We'll have a great time." Again, John said, "No, I told you, I'm going to church."

Numerous times, Fred prevailed upon his friend to go fishing, and each time John answered back that he was going to church.

Finally, Fred said, "John, seven times I have asked you to go fishing with me. Not once have you asked me to go to church WITH YOU!"


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Two salesmen

40 years ago, two successful shoe salesmen from competing companies who were assigned by their firms to sell shoes in the territory of Africa.

The first shoe salesman boarded the plane and headed into his new territory unsure what to expect, but hopeful that this venture would be a success. His plane safely arrived in Africa and the shoe salesman immediately began his assessment of his new wide open market. It was less then an hour of the shoe salesman’s arrival to Africa when he quickly phoned back to his headquarters and requested the first flight out and back to the states, explaining to his boss “I can’t sell shoes here! Nobody wears them, everyone is barefoot!”

The second shoe salesman hopped on the plane anxious to see what awaited him in Africa. He expected a challenge but was optimistic about this new opportunity. After a safe landing the shoe salesman grabbed his bags and quickly became thrilled at what he observed. The shoe salesman quickly dialed up his headquarters and demanded to speak to his boss, he said “I can’t believe what I’m seeing, send me an assortment of ten thousand pairs of shoes immediately! Everyone is barefoot over here!”

Get the right perspective and find opportunities where others don’t!


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Transformation in an elevator



In the days before self-operating elevators, there was a lady who was an elevator operator in a large university in Japan. She could think of no more monotonous work than operating an elevator all day long. She was miserable and grumbled every time someone spoke to her.

One day it occurred to her that she could influence young students to a brighter way of seeing life. But to do that she will have to change her own attitude towards life!

The next day she started with a smile on her face. It was extremely difficult for her, but by sheer will power she was determined to cheer up whoever rode in her elevator.

As the years went by, people sought her advice more and more. Many were helped by her bright attitude and her optimistic view of life. She became a "Solver of Problems!".

When she finally died, a few thousand people attended her funeral. She gained her fame because she changed her attitude about life and desired the bright side to life for her and for those with whom she came in contact.

The Bible encourages us to change our mental and spiritual attitude because it dictates our lifestyle.

"See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all." 1 Thessalonians 5:15

Our attitude determines our actions for good or for bad.


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Angels among us




How would you act if an angel approached you or came to your door? How about someone you encounter on the street, at work, or at a gathering?  It may be a clerk, policeman, meter reader, repairman, colleague, friend ― as a matter of fact it could be anyone.  Someone you encountered at the grocery store, or behind you at the checkout stand.  Would you be able to discern if any or all of these may be angels?

In Scripture we read that from time to time angels appear to humans. There have been reports in our modern era of encounters with angelic beings.

In Genesis chapter 18, we read that Abraham was visited by three men. As it turns out, two of the men were angels and the third was Jesus Himself. It was one of the rare instances where Jesus visited the earth in human form prior to His birth in Bethlehem.

Abraham’s reaction to the visitors was to leap to his feet and greet them. He opened his heart and home to them and insured that they received nourishment. Hospitality was shown before he became aware of who they were. In giving them water and food he entertained angels (and the Lord) unawares. That is what the Scripture from Hebrews 13 says we may experience.

It is safe to say that most of us also have had encounters with angels at one time or another.  The bottom line is that we are called to be the friendliest and most gracious people on the face of the earth.  People should see Jesus in the way we reach out and make people feel welcome.

There are scores of people who need help out there.  Are we willing to open our hearts and listen to them?

Remember ― it may be an angel calling!


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Sunday, March 28, 2010

Mar 28

Today we did not have Sunday school class. Our class submitted names for talent competition on April 10th.  Anabella Jacks informed me yesterday evening about her interest in taking part in few items.  From our class, Anabella and Merlyn are participating in few items.    Let's wish them good luck in their respective events.

The competition is slated to begin at 10:00 AM.  Bible verse writing is scheduled on April 11th.  If I come across any related news, you will see it published here.

This is our Holy week and we have quite a few events at church.  Most of you have classes and tests this week.  Do your best to take part in whatever you can.

I am going to be away from my computer this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and possibly Sunday.  Hence, I may not be able to post anything here during those days. You will see regular postings after that.

Have a nice week.

Days till Easter: 6.

God is Good


A king in Africa had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, “This is good!”

One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off.

Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, “This is good!” To which the king replied, “No, this is NOT good!” and proceeded to send his friend to jail.

About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.

As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. “You were right,” he said, “it was good that my thumb was blown off.”

And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. “And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this.” “No,” his friend replied, “This is good!” “What do you mean, ‘This is good’? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?”

“If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you.”


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