Saturday, March 13, 2010

Plans for Mar 14

For tomorrow's class, I am preparing to go over Orthodoxy with you.  Let's plan on meeting in our class and later we shall proceed to the Sanctuary to look at the symbols in there. A new addition inside the sanctuary is the Golgotha and we shall discuss it's significance as well.  

We will talk about CARS project, and related work.  Turn in those library books that you borrowed from me.  

For the symposium on Mar 21st, there are no participants from our class and I did let the concerned people know about it.  

BRS # 7 is posted online.  It's not that hard this time.  

For our Easter Treat, I have arranged transportation - a van with a driver to show up at Church campus by 2:30 PM on March 20th.  Let's meet at Church and go from there.  The cost per head is working out at $17.75, and I shall be collecting your contributions starting tomorrow.  

Talent competition is slated for Saturday, April 10th.  So far, I have not had any participants from our class.  I   will be out of town on that day.  If you are participating, do let me know and I shall pass your name(s) to those organizers.  Good Luck in advance to those participating.  


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Easter Treat Cost

The cost of our Easter Treat is going to be $17.75 per head.  This includes your ticket and transportation.

I will be collecting your contributions starting tomorrow in the form or check or cash.

If you are one of those who have to have to have to have a popcorn and soda in the theater, then bring in your pocket change. If you are still hungry, I can get you something.


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BRS # 7

After a short gap, yesterday evening I received BRS # 7 electronically in mail.

Click here to download it.  It seems to be a really simple one - hardly took me less than 10 minutes to answer everything.

I hope this is the last one for this academic year, unless you want to be BRSing more.
:-)


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DST 2010


Remember to set your clocks forward by one hour tonight. If you are like me, and try to sleep another 5 more minutes when the alarm rings, here is the bad news - daylight savings time starts tonight.  It means I have to wake up an hour earlier and get used to that schedule without any options.

The old adage about Daylight Savings Time says,

"Spring Forward, Fall Back"

At home, one of the meticulous tasks is to adjust all clocks back by an hour manually - except one which is smart enough to adjust itself (the clock manufacturer claims so!).  Since it is automatic, I am starting to worry whether it will work as designed or not.  Anyway, I am going to keep an eye on it.

We gotta not only wake up an hour early, but also we gotta arrive at Church an hour earlier than usual.  I am thinking, wouldn't it have been nice if Church and Sunday school started one hour late (just for tomorrow) until we all got adjusted to the new DST?

During the next 8 months the time zones are being known as below:

Eastern Standard Time (EST) is now known as Eastern Daylight Time (EDT).
Central Standard Time (CST) is now known as Central Daylight Time (CDT).
Mountain Standard Time (MST) is now known as Mountain Daylight Time (MDT).
Pacific Standard Time (PST) is now known as Pacific Daylight Time (PDT).

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SAT today


Good luck SAT test takers.  


Image Credits: Audio Learn

Friday, March 12, 2010

Two brothers

Two brothers worked together on the family farm. One was married and had a large family. The other was single. At the day's end, the brothers shared everything equally, produce and profit.

Then one day the single brother said to himself, "It's not right that we should share equally the produce and the profit. I'm alone and my needs are simple." So each night he took a sack of grain from his bin and crept across the field between their houses, dumping it into his brother's bin.

Meanwhile, the married brother said to himself, "Its not right that we should share the produce and the profit equally. After all, I'm married and I have my wife and my children to look after me in years to come. My brother has no one, and no one to take care of his future." So each night, he took a sack of grain and dumped it into his single brother's bin.

Both men were puzzled for years because their supply of grain never dwindled. Then one dark night the two brothers bumped into each other.

Slowly it dawned on them what was happening. They dropped their sacks and embraced one another.


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Good Sunday School Teacher

Soon I will be preparing the final exam question paper for my Sunday school class.  My students will be tested on how well they learned those things that were taught in the class.  At the same time, I wish someone was testing me on how well I did this year. Unfortunately, there is no such system in place yet.

While trying to do things better, and to examine myself, I was curious - what are some of the qualities of a good Sunday school teacher?  How can I improve?  Here is an online article that I came across on that subject matter.
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What are some qualities of a good teacher?

A Christian
A good teacher is a Christian. By "Christian," we do not just mean someone who has been baptized. Rather, it is one who is all the word embodies. He should be a constant follower of Jesus Christ whose life is totally dedicated to serving God.

His speech, dress, habits and entire deportment should be above reproach. He will faithfully attend all the assemblies of the church for one who is not faithful himself cannot be expected to teach faithfulness to others (Rom. 2:21). He prays. He studies and meditates on God's word. He is constantly endeavoring to increase his knowledge of the Bible while at the same time striving to practice the things he is learning.

Really Wants to Teach
Some only teach because a class is thrust upon them. No one else would take it so they feel they have to teach it. But to do something well, one must want to do it.

A good teacher not only wants to teach but loves to teach. He is enthusiastic about his task. That enthusiasm will positively affect his students. He will instill within them a burning desire for greater knowledge of and greater appreciation for God's word.

Able to Teach
Enthusiasm alone makes for a poor teacher. One must have some native ability upon which to draw.

Not everyone is capable of teaching a Bible class (1 Cor. 12:29), but if a person really wants to teach he will sincerely try to increase his ability.

Teaches the Truth
He knows the truth. He has not only a general knowledge of the Bible but also a specific knowledge of that portion of it he is attempting to teach his class. He has diligently studied and prepared the lesson himself.

His emphasis in class will be on the Bible not on opinion, secular teachings, current events, etc. He will hold the Bible before his class. He will regard it as the authoritative word of God. He will emphasize its principles and teach it without apology or compromise (1 Thess. 2:2, 4).

Works
Teaching is not an easy task. In order to be successful at it one must work long and hard and study diligently. A good teacher will do more than go over a lesson in a book. He will study the Bible using available helps such as commentaries, concordances, dictionaries, etc. No teacher should ask his class to put forth effort he is not willing to put forth himself.

Sacrifice
If one is going to do a good job of teaching, he will sacrifice such things as time, money, recreation, etc. Consider the sacrifice of time. Well prepared and well presented lessons take time. There are no real shortcuts to doing a good job. He needs not only time for study but also for meditation and prayer.

Dependable
Otherwise good teachers sometimes hinder their efforts by such things as absenteeism or being habitually late. Some fail to get substitutes when they will be away. Others will agree to teach a class then be gone more than they are present. 1 Corinthians 15:58 is a must description of the good teacher.

Able to Get Along With Others
He loves others as himself and regards others before self (Phil. 2:3-4). It is very difficult, if not almost impossible, to properly teach those you do not like or love.

Emotionally Stable
A good teacher will demand and receive the respect of all his students. To assure that respect, he will be confident and firm, yet courteous, kind and considerate. He will be calm, patient, self-controlled and not soon angry. He will be happy and cheerful not pessimistic, grouchy and arrogant. No overbearing, self-willed, quick-tempered or otherwise emotionally unstable person should be allowed to teach a class.

Credits: bibleclassbooks.com
---
Am I?
I don't know.
All I know is that I should not be judging myself - somebody else should be evaluating me.


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Perfect Girl


A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married ?

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl .. once. I guess she was the one perfect girl .. the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything .. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.


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Footprints - a variation

"Now imagine you and the Lord Jesus walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your prints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures and returns.

For much of the way it seems to go like this. But gradually, your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends.

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: your footprints that once etched the sand next to the Master's are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints is the small 'sandprint', safely enclosed. You and Jesus are becoming one.

This goes on for many miles. But gradually you notice another change. The footprint inside the larger footprint seems to grow larger. Eventually it disappears altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one. Again, this goes on for a long time. But then something awful appens. The second set of footprints is back. And this time it seems worse. Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Deep gashes in the and. A veritable mess of prints.

You're amazed and shocked. But this is the end of your dream. Now you speak. 'Lord, I understand the first scene with the zigzags and fits and starts and so on. I was a new Christian, just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with you.'

'That is correct.'

'Yes, and when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps. I followed You very closely.' 'Very good. You have understood everything so far.'

'Then the smaller footprints grew and eventually filled in with Yours. I suppose that I was actually growing so much that I was becoming like you in every way.'

'Precisely.'

'But this is my question. Lord.. Was there a regression or something? The footprints went back to two, and this time it was worse than the first.'

The Lord smiles, then laughs. 'You didn't know?' He says. 'That was when we danced'."


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Thursday, March 11, 2010

Business

These days, I am working on growing my consulting business and am talking and meeting numerous people.   That's when I came across this today:

Monday:
Father talks to son at home:

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: I will choose my own bride.
Father: But this girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son: Well, in that case OK.

Tuesday:
Father approaches Bill Gates:

Father: I have a bridegroom for your daughter.
Bill Gates: But my daughter is too young to marry.
Father: But this young man is a vice president of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Aahh, in that case, OK.

Wednesday:
Father goes to meet the president of the World Bank:

Father: I have a young man to be recommended as your vice-president.
President: But, I already have more vice-presidents than I need.
Father: But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
President: Well, in that case, OK.

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even if you have nothing, you can get anything.  Your attitude and approach needs to be positive.


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Solitude

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
        Weep, and you weep alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow it's mirth,
        But has trouble enough of it's own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
        Sigh, it is lost on the air.
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
        But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
        Grieve, and they turn and go.
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
        But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
        Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
        But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
        Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
        But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
        For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
        Through the narrow aisles of pain.

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Teacher's prayer

I want to teach my students how
To live this life on Earth.
To face it's struggles and it's strife
And to improve their worth.
Not just the lesson in a book
Or how the rivers flow, But how to choose the proper path
Wherever they may go.
To understand eternal truth
And know the right from wrong,
And gather all the beauty of
A flower and a song.
For if I help the world to grow
In wisdom and in grace,
Then I shall feel that I have won
And I have filled my place.
And so I ask your guidance, God,
That I may do my part.
For character and confidence
And happiness of heart.

-James J. Metcalf


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Man in the glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass;
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one starring back from the glass.

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest.
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed the most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years.
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be the heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

Dale Wimbrow, Copyrighted in 1934

Searching Truth

A Master gave his teachings in parables and stories, which his disciples listened to with pleasure-and occasional frustration, for they longed for something deeper.

The Master was unmoved. To all their objections he would say, "You have yet to understand, my dears, that the shortest distance between a human being and Truth is a story."

Another time he said, "Do not despise the story. A lost gold coin is found by means of a penny candle; the deepest truth is found by means of a simple story."


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Killing Truth

One day Mara, who is the ancient Buddhist god of ignorance and evil, was travelling through the villages of India with his attendants. Along the way, he noticed a man doing a walking meditation. The man's face was lit up in wonder. Apparently, the man had just discovered something on the ground in front of him.

Mara's attendants, noticing the glow emanating from the man, asked Mara what it was the man had discovered. Mara replied, "He has discovered a piece of truth."

"But evil one!" exclaimed one of his entourage, "Doesn't this bother you when someone finds a piece of the truth?"

"No," said Mara. "I am not troubled in the least."

"But why not?"insisted his attendants.

"Because," replied Mara, chuckling, "Right after they discover some truth, they usually make a belief out of it."

- Buddhist Story


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Treasure in you

There are treasures in life,
  but owners are few
Of money and power
  to buy things brand new.
Yet you can be wealthy
  and feel regal too,
If you will just look
  for the treasures in you.
These treasures in life
  are not hard to find
When you look in your heart,
  your soul, and your mind.
For when you are willing
  to share what's within,
Your fervent search
  for riches will end.
The joy and the laughter,
  the smile that you bring;
The heart unafraid
  to love and to sing;
The hand always willing
  to help those in need;
Ones quick to reach out,
  to labor and feed.
So thank you for sharing
  these great gifts inside;
The caring, the cheering,
  the hug when one cried.
Thanks for the energy,
  encouragement too,
And thank you for sharing
  the treasures in you.

Author unknown


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The treasure



The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, mommy, please!"

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00 If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere--Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess--the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."

"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"

"Daddy, you know I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my babydoll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."

"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"

Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.


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The gift of friendship

There is a gift of friendship
That God has give to me,
He put you there to help me
With the things I can not see,

A friend is someone special
Who's always there for you,
In good times and in bad
A friend will see you through,

God's the one who gives us friends
This is his special gift,
Our friends are always there
When we need that extra lift,

There are certain things
That only friends can share,
And also when I need you
I know that you'll be there,

You know you have a friend
For you have a friend in me,
I'll always be there to help you
With the things you can not see.

By Melinda Tanner

The night

The night has a thousand eyes,
And the day but one;
Yet the light of a bright world dies
When day is done.

The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love is done.

- Francis William Bourdillon


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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tomb of the Unknowns


Tomb of the Unknowns is a monument dedicated to American servicemen/women who have died without their remains being identified. It is located in Arlington National Cemetery.  Here are few interesting facts.

Question: How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why? Answer: 21 steps. It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute, which is the highest honor given any military or foreign dignitary.

Question: How long does he hesitate after his about face to begin his return walk and why?
Answer: 21 seconds for the same reason as answer number 1.

Question: Why are his gloves wet?
Answer: His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle.

Question: Does he carry his rifle on the same shoulder all the time, and if not, why not?
Answer: He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his march across the path, he executes an about face, and moves the rifle to the outside shoulder.

Question: How often are the guards changed?
Answer: Guards are changed every thirty minutes, twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year.

Question: What are the physical traits of the guard limited to?
Answer: For a person to apply for guard duty at the tomb, he must be between 5"10 and 6"5 tall and his waist size cannot exceed 30".

Question: What are some other requirements of the Guard:

Answer:
They must commit 2 years of life to guard the tomb, live in a barracks under the tomb, and cannot drink any alcohol on or off duty for the rest of their lives. They cannot swear in public for the rest of their lives and cannot disgrace the uniform {fighting} or the tomb in any way.

After two years, the guard is given a wreath pin that is worn on their lapel signifying they served as guard of the tomb. There are only 400 presently worn. The guard must obey these rules for the rest of their lives or give up the wreath pin.

The shoes are specially made with very thick soles to keep the heat and cold from their feet. There are metal heel plates that extend to the top of the sole in order to make the loud click as they come to a halt. There are no wrinkles, folds or lint on the uniform. Guards dress for duty in front of a full-length mirror.

The first six months of duty a guard cannot talk to anyone, nor watch TV. All off duty time is spent studying the 175 notable people laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery. A guard must memorize who they are and where they are interred. Among the notables are: President Taft, Joe E. Lewis {the boxer} and Medal of Honor winner Audie Murphy, {the most decorated soldier of WWII} of Hollywood fame. Every guard spends five hours a day getting his uniforms ready for guard duty.


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Count the f's

Count the number of F's in the following text:

Finished files are the result of years of scientific study combined with the experience of years

How many did you count?

Three?

Wrong, there are six! The brain cannot process the word "of".

Incredible - right?

Anyone who counts all six F's on the first go is a genius

Three is normal.


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Read fast

Just read the sentence straight through quickly without really thinking about it.

Acocdrnig to an elgnsih unviesitry sutdy the oredr of letetrs in a wrod dosen't mttaer, the olny thnig thta's iopmrantt is that the frsit and lsat ltteer of eevry word is in the crcreot ptoision.  The rset can be jmbueld and one is stlil able to raed the txet wiohtut dclftfuiiy.

:-)

Human Body


It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

You use 200 muscles to take one step.

The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.

A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.

A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.

It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.

The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you are born.

When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.

Your thumb is the same length as your nose.



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Children's Service Division

One mom wrote this poem:

My son came home from school one day, with a smirk upon his face
He decided he was smart enough to put me in my place.

"Guess what I learned in Civics Two, that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today, The 'Children's Bill of Rights'."

"It says I need not clean my room, don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think, or speak, or what to wear."

"I have freedom from religion, and regardless what you say
I don't have to bow my head, and I sure don't have to pray."

"I can wear earrings if I want, and pierce my tongue and nose
I can read and watch just what I like, and get tattoos from head to toe."

"And if you ever spank me, I'll charge you with a crime
I'll back up all my charges with the marks on my behind."

"Don't you ever touch me, my body's only for my use
Not for your hugs and kisses, that's just more child abuse."

"Don't preach about your morals like your Mama did to you
That's nothing more than mind control, and it's illegal too!"

"Mom, I have these children's rights, so you can't influence me
Or I'll call Children's Services Division, better known as C.S.D."

Of course my first instinct was to toss him out the door
But the chance to teach him a lesson made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully, I couldn't let this go
A smile crept upon my face, he's messing with a pro.

The next day I took him shopping at the local Goodwill Store
I told him, "Pick out all you want, there's shirts & pants galore."

"I've called and checked with C.S.D. who said they didn't care
If I bought you K-Mart shoes instead of those Nike Airs."

"And I've cancelled that appointment to take your driver's test
The C.S.D. is unconcerned, so I'll decide what's best."

"I said no time to stop and eat, or pick up stuff to munch
And tomorrow you can start to learn to make your own sack lunch."

"Just save the raging appetite and wait till dinner time
We're having liver and onions, a favorite dish of mine."

He asked "Can I please rent a movie to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV for new tires on my car."

"I also rented out your room, you'll take the couch instead
All the C.S.D. requires is a roof for over your head."

"Your clothing won't be trendy now, and I'll choose what we eat
That allowance that you used to get will buy me something neat."

"I'm selling off your jet ski, dirt-bike and roller blades
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights,' it's in effect today!"

"Hey hot shot, are you crying, and why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out instead of C.S.D..?"


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Women's $

Question: Where do women's money go?
Answer: Watch this short video.

Missing Husband

A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband:

Lady: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height?

Lady: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy?

Lady: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Colour of eyes?

Lady: Never noticed
Inspector: Colour of hair?

Lady: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearin?g

Lady: suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ??

Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the lady started crying…..

Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!!


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Profound statements

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.


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Watches


A sign from a tourist hangout spot.
Notice those auto-rickshaws in the background.
:-)


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High schoolers

High schoolers used these sentences their essays.  How cool is it?  Read along.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.


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Newspaper

The local newspaper funeral notice telephone operator received a phone call. A woman on the other end asked, "How much do funeral notices cost?"

"$5.00 per word, Ma'am," came the response.

"Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"OK, write this: 'Fred dead.'"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am; I forgot to tell you there's a five-word minimum."

"Hmm," came the reply, "You certainly did forget to tell me that." A moment of silence. "Got your pencil and paper?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"OK, print this: 'Fred dead, Cadillac for sale.' "


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The Master's Hand




Wishing to encourage her young son's progress on the piano, a mother took the small boy to a Paderewski concert.  After they were seated, the mother spotted a friend in the audience and walked down the aisle to greet her.  Seizing the opportunity to explore the wonders of the concert hall, the little boy rose and eventually explored his way through a door marked "NO ADMITTANCE."

When the house lights dimmed and the concert was about to begin, the mother returned to her seat and discovered that her son was missing.  Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights focused on the impressive Steinway on stage.  In horror, the mother saw her little boy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star."  At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, quickly moved to the piano, and whispered in the boy's ear, "Don't quit, keep playing."

Then leaning over, Paderewski reached down with his left hand and began filling in a bass part.  Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child and he added a running obligatio.  Together, the old master and the young novice transformed a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience.  The audience was mesmerized.

That's the way it is with God.   What we can accomplish on our own is hardly noteworthy.  We try our best, but the results aren't exactly graceful flowing music.  But with the hand of the Master, our life's work truly can be beautiful.  Next time you set out to accomplish great feats, listen carefully.  You can hear the voice of the Master, whispering in your ear, "Don't quit, keep playing."  Feel His loving arms around you.  Know that His strong hands are playing the concerto of your life.  Remember, God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.


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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Hovercraft



Innovation in the garage.


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Booked tickets


We booked those tickets for our 'Easter Treat'.  The box tickets we booked are $15 per head.  They are located in the circled area above.  They called me up and told me that they'll put as 'back as possible' for a better view of the entire stage.  

As far as the transportation goes, we got some lead on a possible van which can seat about 17 people.  I shall have you the details, once available. I am thinking we meet at our church and go together.  

When: Mar 20th, 2010 at 4:00 PM
Where: Atlanta Civic Center. 



Single Stroke



The first impression one gets while looking at the image above is that of a regular Jesus Christ picture.  However, the beauty lies in the fact that it was drawn entirely with one sigle stroke of pen, by Knowles & Maxim back in 1884.  It starts at the tip of the nose and ends at the very bottom. Click on the image to enlarge and appreciate the art of penmanship.

While quill pens were the most common writing aid back in the 1800's, interestingly, the fountain pen was patented by Lewis Waterman the same year this picture was copyrighted - 1884.





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Doctors on economy


Here's what the doctors had to say about economic bailout:

The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception, and the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

The Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!’ while the Pediatricians said, “Oh, Grow up!”

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, as the Radiologists could see right through it.

The Naturopaths said everyone was ignoring the real causes, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter.”

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.


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The tears


A man had a little daughter-an only and much beloved child.  He lived only for her, she was his life.  So when she became ill and her illness resisted the efforts of the best physicians, he became like a man possessed, moving heaven and earth to bring about her restoration to health.

His best efforts proved fruitless, however, and the child died. The father was totally irreconcilable.  He became a bitter recluse, shutting himself away from his many friends, refusing every activity that might restore his poise and bring him back to his normal self.    

Then one night he had a dream.  He was in heaven and witnessing a grand pageant of all the little child angels. They were marching in an apparently endless line past the Great White Throne.  Every white-robed, angelic tot carried a candle.  He noticed, however, that one child's candle was not lit.  Then he saw that the child with the dark candle was his own little girl.

Rushing towards her, while the pageant faltered, he seized her in his arms, caressed her tenderly, and asked,

"How is that your candle is the only one not lit?"

"Father, they often relight it, but your tears always put it out again," she said.

Just then he awoke from from his dream.  The lesson was crystal clear, and it's effects were immediate.  From that hour on he was no longer a recluse, but mingled freely and cheerfully with his former friends and associates.  No longer would his little darling's candle be extingushed by his useless tears - it was lit brightly forever.


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Monday, March 8, 2010

I've learned

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned.... That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before he passed away.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.... That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned ... That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.


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What you should be doing

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

- Mother Theresa



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P-U-S-H

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and the savior appeared.  The Lord told the man he had work for him to do and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin.  The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might.

The man did, day after day.  For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might.  Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man's weary mind:  "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged.  Why kill yourself over this?  You are never going to move it."  This gave the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.

These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man.  "Why kill myself over this?" he thought.  "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort and that will be good enough."  And that is what he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.

"Lord, he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked.  Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter.  What is wrong?  Why am I failing?"

The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done.  Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it.  Your task was to push.  And now you come to me, with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed.  But is that really so?  Look at yourself.  Your arms ar strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard.  Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have, yet you haven't moved the rock.  But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom.  This you have done.  I, my friend, will now move the rock."

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just simple obedience and faith in Him.  By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still God who moves the mountains.

Always, remember to P-U-S-H

P=Pray 
U=Until 
S=Something 
H=Happens


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Sunday, March 7, 2010

Today - Mar 07

We had a brief class today.  I was not very happy to notice no refreshments after church - no further comments.

We discussed the story of King David and went over the basics of orthodoxy.  Due to your continued interest in learning more about orthodoxy, we will cover the same topic next Sunday as well.  Once again, we shall go into the sanctuary and look around while learning that topic.

Our Bishop Mar Eusebius visited our parish today evening and he gave an inspirational talk - he narrated the same story of King David that we discussed in our class today, as well as the story of forgiveness that we staged last Christmas.  His message was centered around forgiveness and to love each other.

Have a nice week and see you on Sunday.


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