Thursday, May 14, 2009

Kids about Mom

What Kids Really Think About Mom

Why did God make mothers?
She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
Mostly to clean the house.
To help us out of there when we were getting born.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
We're related.
God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?
His last name.
She had to know his background.
Like is he a crook?
Does he get drunk on beer?
Did he say 'no' to drugs and 'yes' to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
She got too old to do anything else with him.
My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

What makes a real woman?
It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.

Who's the boss at your house?
Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such a goofball.
Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.
Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real 'power'cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
Mothers don't do spare time. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
About 30 years.
You can always count on grandmothers for candy.
Sometimes moms don't even have bread on them!

Describe the world's greatest mom?
She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!
The greatest mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts!
She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.

Is anything about your mom perfect?
Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
Just her children.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye-it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know, it was my sister who did it and not me.

Take the Son

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had mostly everything expensive in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.
About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art."

The young man held out his package.

"I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this."

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the portrait.

"Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift."

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected. The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the platform sat the painting of the son.
The auctioneer pounded his gavel.

"We will start the bidding with this portrait of the son. Who will bid for this painting?"

There was silence. Then a voice in the back of the room shouted.

"We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one."

But the auctioneer persisted.

"Will someone bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?"

Another voice shouted angrily.

"We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!"

But still the auctioneer continued.

"The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the long-time gardener of the man and his son.

"I'll give $10 for the painting."

Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

"We have $10, who will bid $20?" "Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters." "$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the painting of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel.

"Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!"

A man sitting on the second row shouted.

"Now let's get on with the collection!"

The auctioneer laid down his gavel.

"I'm sorry, the auction is over. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The man who took the son gets everything!"

God gave his son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is, "The son, the son, who'll take the son?"

Found on the internet - Author unknown

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Eternal fight or laws of attraction?

There is always a war going on between
the rich and the poor
the good and the evil
the right and the left
the odd and the even.

One of the oldest war is the one going on between
the man and the woman.

An English professor wrote the words:

"A woman without her man is nothing",

on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:

"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote:

"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

While man and woman fight each other, there exists a stronger attraction between the two - this is what God intended us to be. Man and woman should always be allies, not enemies. This will help us conquer the world, together.

Monday, May 11, 2009

What matters

A few years ago at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100 meter dash. As the gun fired, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except one boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times and began to cry loudly. The other eight heard the boy. They slowed down and looked back. They all turned around and went back - every one of them. One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said,"This will make it better." All nine linked arms and walked across the finish line together!! Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there and saw this, are still telling the story - even today. Why?
Because deep down we know one thing: What matters most in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What truly matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mothers day - another look

As we wrap up Mothers Day this year, let's take another look at mothers day.

It started with Anna Reeves Jarvis in 1858, but it took the work of another woman and later Jarvis' daughter to make it a national holiday. On May 9, 1914, President Woodrow Wilson made an official announcement proclaiming Mother's Day as a national holiday that was to be held each year on the 2nd Sunday of May. The tradition of giving a Mother's Day Proclamation continues to this day with each President of the United States doing so every year. Click here to read the mothers day procalamation by President Obama.

Below are few of the famous mothers, well known for being moms.

Mother Teresa: She wasn't a biological mom, but the famous nun who cared for thousands of India's poor, orphaned or sick kids for decades gets the "honorary mom" status. She received the Nobel Peace Prize for her work.

Candy Lightner: She founded MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) in 1980 after her daughter was killed by a drunk driver.

Michelle Duggar: With 18 children — eight girls and 10 boys — she's been the subject of a reality show and plenty of publicity.

'Octomom': Also known as Nadya Suleman, she's the single mom who had octuplets in January, in addition to her other six children

Our own Mother: The most valuable person in our lives. We all know how priceless she is, to us. Take a moment to think about all the good things our mom has done to foster our growth.

Happy Mothers Day.

Life is precious

Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone. Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often?

When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror.

The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand.

Bob? Bob from church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat. This was worse than the coming ticket. A Christian cop catching a guy from his own church. A guy who happened to be a little anxious to get home after a long day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow. Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never seen in uniform.

"Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this."

"Hello, Jack." No smile.

"Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids."

"Yeah, I guess."

Bob seemed uncertain. Good. "I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit-just this once." Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement. "Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight. Know what I mean?"

"I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct."

Ouch! This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics.

"What'd you clock me at?"

"Seventy-one. Would you sit back in your car, please?"

"Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as I saw you. I was barely nudging 65." The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket.

"Please, Jack, in the car."

Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window. The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad. Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license? Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near this cop again. A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded paper in hand. Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip.

"Thanks." Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice. Bob returned to his car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost? Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:

"Dear Jack,Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it - a speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters. All three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until heaven before I can ever hug her again. A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. . . Pray for me. And be careful. My son is all I have left. Bob"

Jack...twisted around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the road. Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.

Life is precious. Handle with care.

Found on the internet; Author unknown

Results next Sunday

We had our final exams today. Hope all that you studied came handy. I am impressed the way you prepared for your exam. All of you took studies seriously and it was evident during our revision today.

I glanced through your answers and seems like you all did pretty well. I'll grade your answers at the earliest. The results will be published next Sunday.

It was nice knowing each of you. Don't be a stranger if you meet me at church or in the hallway. Wish you the very best in your future.

Final Exam Today

We have our final exam today. Final exam is always a stressful task. Hope all of you have prepared adequately well to do your best on the exam. Wish you the very best. You do not get extra credits for turning in your answer sheets early.

Graphics courtsey: Peanuts